trollydolly
Well-known member
deleted
my boyfriend keeps on messing me around :-(
- Thread starter trollydolly
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puncturedskirt
Well-known member
I know you don't want to but I think it's better off you if broke up with him. From what you're telling us, He just keeps on doing what he's doing and regardless of the fact that he keeps getting caught, It's not stopping him.
I personally wouldn't stay with someone if they were doing that to me. You deserve better.
I personally wouldn't stay with someone if they were doing that to me. You deserve better.
mindlessgapgirl
Well-known member
this guy sounds like trouble...you say that the relationship is good in every other way but if he is lying to you and hiding this that are so serious, it can't be good. break it off now and save yourself from a lot of future pain...he might have some serious issues, especially if he needs this constant validation from girls online...
*Stargazer*
Well-known member
The only advice I have for you is to leave him. He's shown you repeatedly that he just doesn't care that he is hurting you.
gigglegirl
Well-known member
This is EXCESSIVE and honestly, you must realize this isn't good. How can you continue to forgive and move on with someone who does this OFTEN in the year and a half you've dated him. Why wouldn't you want to leave this? This just seems like you're going to continue to have more heartache down the road--obviously he is saying what you want to hear, tries to be more deceitful and "hide" things.
Forgiving him once--fine. But the sheer number you've found and listed--unacceptable. Please don't stay, I imagine if he's never changed yet, he probably won't. People deserve better, someone who listens to you and takes the time to address any needs. This just does not sound good..
The continual lying is pathetic and you need to drop him. Do not worry, you'll get a chance out there to find someone LOADS better. Good luck and please let us know what you do!
Forgiving him once--fine. But the sheer number you've found and listed--unacceptable. Please don't stay, I imagine if he's never changed yet, he probably won't. People deserve better, someone who listens to you and takes the time to address any needs. This just does not sound good..
The continual lying is pathetic and you need to drop him. Do not worry, you'll get a chance out there to find someone LOADS better. Good luck and please let us know what you do!
lilMAClady
Well-known member
Not only do I agree with the other posters, but you mentioned that you have noone else in your life to turn to. I'm assuming that you told him this. Since he knows this he knows that he can do whatever to you because you (think) you need him. All he has to do is cry and tell you what you want to hear and you'll stay. Leave him. Heed this saying: I can do bad all by myself.
The last thing you need in your life is some jerk that doesn't appreciate you. And you weren't being sneaky so don't think you were. You were acting upon your natural sixth sense that something illicit was going on. You have someone else to turn to in your life. YOURSELF! You deserve SO much better!
The last thing you need in your life is some jerk that doesn't appreciate you. And you weren't being sneaky so don't think you were. You were acting upon your natural sixth sense that something illicit was going on. You have someone else to turn to in your life. YOURSELF! You deserve SO much better!
Patricia
Well-known member
first of all, i'm so sorry hun, please don't think you have no one else to talk to cos i'm sure u do
second, seems like he does have some serious issues, why does he need to do this? why does he need constant reassurance from others? it's really weird
i know it hurts but seems like he's not truly committed to you, i think you should break up with him
second, seems like he does have some serious issues, why does he need to do this? why does he need constant reassurance from others? it's really weird
i know it hurts but seems like he's not truly committed to you, i think you should break up with him
trollydolly
Well-known member
thanks for all the lovely comments so far girls. for some reason i just cant bring myself to leave him and i dont know why. im just kind of hoping hes going to change or that i can change him. I was in foster care for 13 years and when i was 18 i moved in with my boyfriend. i suppose ive gotten used to the stability and security.
trollydolly
Well-known member
i dont understand why he needs to do what hes doing, he says he does it because he gets bored when hes home alone. and then when i try to talk to him about our lack of a sex life he gets all annoyed and says something sarcastic and makes me feel bad for bringing it up and i always end up saying sorry!
*KT*
Well-known member
I agree with Macattk, sounds like he's got an addiction with all that sneaking around. Odds are, it's not going to get any better unless he gets help.
He's already undermined whatever trust you had in him. You deserve someone who's emotionally available to you and isn't wrapped up in all these fake online sexual encounters.
Good luck.
He's already undermined whatever trust you had in him. You deserve someone who's emotionally available to you and isn't wrapped up in all these fake online sexual encounters.
Good luck.
*KT*
Well-known member
Quote:
Something all us women learn sooner or later is this: your guy has to WANT to change... you can't change him by the strength of your own will. It sounds like he's not ready to change if he goes back to what he was doing the moment you turn your back.
I'm sorry you have to go through all this but there is something better out there for you. Believe it.
Originally Posted by trollydolly
thanks for all the lovely comments so far girls. for some reason i just cant bring myself to leave him and i dont know why. im just kind of hoping hes going to change or that i can change him. I was in foster care for 13 years and when i was 18 i moved in with my boyfriend. i suppose ive gotten used to the stability and security. |
Something all us women learn sooner or later is this: your guy has to WANT to change... you can't change him by the strength of your own will. It sounds like he's not ready to change if he goes back to what he was doing the moment you turn your back.
I'm sorry you have to go through all this but there is something better out there for you. Believe it.
Janice
Well-known member
Quote:
It might be time to get help from a professional to get to the root of the problems. Your relationship is anything but secure and stable (fighting, crying, the inner turmoil when you find a new girl or profile on his computer), but perhaps you think it is because of deep rooted issues from being raised in foster care. Just a thought.
Don't let yourself feel comfortable in this relationship just because he's the "only person you have". If you stay then you need to turn your cheek and ignore the profiles on bebo, the sex "talk" with other women and possibly the occasional affair down the road. It's a conscious choice you have to make by staying.
You can't change him. Loving someone won't change them.
| Originally Posted by trollydolly
I was in foster care for 13 years and when i was 18 i moved in with my boyfriend. i suppose ive gotten used to the stability and security. |
It might be time to get help from a professional to get to the root of the problems. Your relationship is anything but secure and stable (fighting, crying, the inner turmoil when you find a new girl or profile on his computer), but perhaps you think it is because of deep rooted issues from being raised in foster care. Just a thought.
Don't let yourself feel comfortable in this relationship just because he's the "only person you have". If you stay then you need to turn your cheek and ignore the profiles on bebo, the sex "talk" with other women and possibly the occasional affair down the road. It's a conscious choice you have to make by staying.
You can't change him. Loving someone won't change them.
socalmacfan
Well-known member
I too am sorry that this is happening to you and you definitely deserve someone who respects you. With that said, I have been down that road where I think he'll change; he'll change for me! WRONG! OH, so wrong. May be he's thinking you should change; that you'll eventually be okay with his extracurricular activities if he keeps doing it.
I think that people treat you the way you let them. So don't let this continue, move on now and find true happiness.
I think that people treat you the way you let them. So don't let this continue, move on now and find true happiness.
xstephax
Well-known member
i wouldn't waste your time. i had a boyfriend who did pretty much the same thing and i'd confront him about it all the time and it was the same stuff... "i'm sorry, i'll never do it again!" and the next day he'd be back at it.
if it was a one time thing then i would just say forgive and forget but it's obviously not.
if it was a one time thing then i would just say forgive and forget but it's obviously not.
chameleonmary
Well-known member
It is one thing for a guy to enjoy porn and cyber sex... but its another for a guy to make a secret of it and hide it from you. The fact that he has all these secret accounts etc. are only evidence of him doing the wrong thing. I mean, we all know our boyfriends/husbands watch/watched porn even on the rare occasion but this is secret impulsive and constant behaviour.
I guess another way of putting it is if he is doing these kinds of things more often than you and him are sexually intimate, there is a definate problem. And the fact that he turns everything against you and makes you apologise for it only makes him feel better about what he does; if he paints you to be the "nagging girlfriend", he is somewhat "justified" doing what he does...
NEVER say sorry for expressing your concerns. HE should be apologising because his actions have obviouslt hurt you...
I guess another way of putting it is if he is doing these kinds of things more often than you and him are sexually intimate, there is a definate problem. And the fact that he turns everything against you and makes you apologise for it only makes him feel better about what he does; if he paints you to be the "nagging girlfriend", he is somewhat "justified" doing what he does...
NEVER say sorry for expressing your concerns. HE should be apologising because his actions have obviouslt hurt you...
Patricia
Well-known member
Quote:
bored? well when i'm bored i read a book, i watch a film or i go on specktra... i don't think his behaviour is normal
| Originally Posted by trollydolly
i dont understand why he needs to do what hes doing, he says he does it because he gets bored when hes home alone. and then when i try to talk to him about our lack of a sex life he gets all annoyed and says something sarcastic and makes me feel bad for bringing it up and i always end up saying sorry! |
bored? well when i'm bored i read a book, i watch a film or i go on specktra... i don't think his behaviour is normal
