my boyfriend keeps on messing me around :-(
- Thread starter trollydolly
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sexiplayful
Member
you don't trust him. why are you still with him? he will not change cuz you keep taking him back.
shinypixiedust
Active member
Any kind of abuse, be it physical or mental, is not healthy. And that's exactly what's happening to you. Repeately. He will never consider it wrong in his own mind & will keep on pushing it - would you find his behaviour acceptable if you were married or had kids? Where would you draw the line?
Think about what you *truly* want from a relationship - I bet trust, support and love fall in there. What you're getting is pain, confusion & anger. Remove this selfish person from your life (if you haven't already!) and I promise, very soon you will feel so liberated and far from alone
xxx
Think about what you *truly* want from a relationship - I bet trust, support and love fall in there. What you're getting is pain, confusion & anger. Remove this selfish person from your life (if you haven't already!) and I promise, very soon you will feel so liberated and far from alone
angeliquea~+
Well-known member
Hun I'm sorry for what you're going through *hugs* but I can bet you my bottom dollar HE WILL NOT CHANGE. First of all, why would he need to? With you sticking around DESPITE what he's doing, he has his cake and he gets to eat it too. Second of all he hasn't changed after being sprung several times, why would he change the next 4, 5 6 times he gets caught?
Don't let his talk of buying a house fool you, either. It doesn't mean he's on the path to taking things seriously. If he was serious about the relationship, he would stop doing what he's doing, he would stop messing around with other girls, and he would stop turning things onto you when you try to discuss the problem. Like another poster said, actions speak louder than words. ANY monkey can say "I'm sorry I didn't mean it I love you I'll stop." A real stand up guy would actually stop, or not do these things in the first place.
I know leaving is easier said than done, and it's hard to bite the bullet, but I think deep down you know what you have to do. But just remember you are never alone, and we're all here rooting for you! Please keep us potsed and let us know how you go!
Don't let his talk of buying a house fool you, either. It doesn't mean he's on the path to taking things seriously. If he was serious about the relationship, he would stop doing what he's doing, he would stop messing around with other girls, and he would stop turning things onto you when you try to discuss the problem. Like another poster said, actions speak louder than words. ANY monkey can say "I'm sorry I didn't mean it I love you I'll stop." A real stand up guy would actually stop, or not do these things in the first place.
I know leaving is easier said than done, and it's hard to bite the bullet, but I think deep down you know what you have to do. But just remember you are never alone, and we're all here rooting for you! Please keep us potsed and let us know how you go!
User93
Well-known member
i'm sorry to sound harsh, but he is such an asshole. I would say dump him right now, and stop torturing yourself. He is doing it all over again. Any possible reasons for that are:
- he simply lies to you
- he for some reason needs this cyber sex with other girls (if so, he will never give it up. People hardly change in such age.
- he is simply sick
not any of those possibilities sounds good. I understand you, that you wanna save this relationship, but girl, you cant spend your whole life like that. You deserve so much better really. This what he does is not healthy at all. Really. And if you say you dont have much sex or emotional connection.. whats the point of being with him? Don't live an illusion for a guy who dosent deserve it. Dont waste your time and beauty. You look so cute (i sneaked at the profile)? and you're an air hostess, thats an every mans dream. cmon!
He disrespects you, and most likely believe you will always forgive him after he says sorry. Really, what else you are ready to take from him? Cheating? Abusing. This guy is an idiot. Period.
This all is just my personal opinion, the choice is up to you, but listen to what all the girls tell you. As we are in love we dont see obvious things sometimes.
- he simply lies to you
- he for some reason needs this cyber sex with other girls (if so, he will never give it up. People hardly change in such age.
- he is simply sick
not any of those possibilities sounds good. I understand you, that you wanna save this relationship, but girl, you cant spend your whole life like that. You deserve so much better really. This what he does is not healthy at all. Really. And if you say you dont have much sex or emotional connection.. whats the point of being with him? Don't live an illusion for a guy who dosent deserve it. Dont waste your time and beauty. You look so cute (i sneaked at the profile)? and you're an air hostess, thats an every mans dream. cmon!
This all is just my personal opinion, the choice is up to you, but listen to what all the girls tell you. As we are in love we dont see obvious things sometimes.
Ithica
Well-known member
Don't feel trapped
Do you not even have friends/family you can stay with if you did leave him? Have you tried explaining how it makes you feel? I honestly don't think your over reacting, I would be so mad and I think i'd feel demeaned (sp?) if someone said sorry and promised you not to and did it, You gave him your heart even after he'd bruised it yet he still goes on abusing it.
In another light. This mans old enough to know what he's doing. He's learnt he can get away with it and probably thinks you'd never leave him - he wouldnt have any reason to unless your going to tell him firmly what will happen if you havn't already; You cant change someone, they can only change themselves :/
I really hope things work out for the best way possible for you.
In another light. This mans old enough to know what he's doing. He's learnt he can get away with it and probably thinks you'd never leave him - he wouldnt have any reason to unless your going to tell him firmly what will happen if you havn't already; You cant change someone, they can only change themselves :/
I really hope things work out for the best way possible for you.
Brittni
Well-known member
First it's cyber sex...then it's real sex. Then what?
Why don't you stop it now before it gets worse. It's not like this has happened one time, you know. All of the other girls have said everything so true and right. You need to be strong, learn about who you are, and get rid of this extremely immature 25-year old.
I know you say your relationship is perfect in all other aspects but it obviously isn't or there wouldn't be all of these problems.
Why don't you stop it now before it gets worse. It's not like this has happened one time, you know. All of the other girls have said everything so true and right. You need to be strong, learn about who you are, and get rid of this extremely immature 25-year old.
I know you say your relationship is perfect in all other aspects but it obviously isn't or there wouldn't be all of these problems.
lvgz
Well-known member
Quote:
best quote ive heard in a long time.
dump him. the end. sounds harsh, but i think in the long run it'll be better for you. the 'stability' he offers is slowing fading, if it hasnt already completely washed away. you'll feel hurt either way; it's just a matter of how long you want to feel this way. do whats best for YOU in the LONG run. afterall, it's not like he's taking care of you. i know it's hard to hear, but i honestly dont think he's changing soon. how long are you willing to wait for something that might not happen? just my two cents. i'm sorry youre in this situation, its a lose lose type to me.
Originally Posted by Janice
Loving someone won't change them. |
best quote ive heard in a long time.
dump him. the end. sounds harsh, but i think in the long run it'll be better for you. the 'stability' he offers is slowing fading, if it hasnt already completely washed away. you'll feel hurt either way; it's just a matter of how long you want to feel this way. do whats best for YOU in the LONG run. afterall, it's not like he's taking care of you. i know it's hard to hear, but i honestly dont think he's changing soon. how long are you willing to wait for something that might not happen? just my two cents. i'm sorry youre in this situation, its a lose lose type to me.
kimmy
Well-known member
Quote:
he's telling you what you want to hear. when i found out my ex was doing that same kind of shit, he started crying his eyes out (sound familiar?) and telling me how he wanted to marry me...and that he couldn't imagine having a life with anyone else. he'd be real nice to me after that, and always tell me this awesome stories about how he was going to buy me the nicest house in the history of the world, and we were going to have these amazing children that were going to be astronauts (well, i'm embellishing a little, but you get what i'm saying?)
you deserve so much better than this guy. i know, i'm coming off harsh...but seriously...it's crazy to stay with someone who doesn't treat you like his equal. it's only going to give you more problems in the end...
| Originally Posted by trollydolly
just found out hes joined another webcams website where u watch girls and pay for it. he was on the website this afternoon when i was at work. then he has the nerve to be nice to me when i get home? yet just yesterday he was talking about us getting a house together next year (we have a flat at the moment)....i dont get it |
he's telling you what you want to hear. when i found out my ex was doing that same kind of shit, he started crying his eyes out (sound familiar?) and telling me how he wanted to marry me...and that he couldn't imagine having a life with anyone else. he'd be real nice to me after that, and always tell me this awesome stories about how he was going to buy me the nicest house in the history of the world, and we were going to have these amazing children that were going to be astronauts (well, i'm embellishing a little, but you get what i'm saying?)
you deserve so much better than this guy. i know, i'm coming off harsh...but seriously...it's crazy to stay with someone who doesn't treat you like his equal. it's only going to give you more problems in the end...
Tasti_Butterfly
Well-known member
I have been through this to the exact details basically. And trust me it just keeps going on. It is better to just let him go now before you have been together for way too long. I kept telling myself that it was ok. But it is not. Especially because he is being sneeky about it. Its like he is lying right to your face! Good luck hun...
kaliraksha
Well-known member
Many of the people here have given you advice on how to deal and dump your current boyfriend (and I mostly agree with them). But, to be honest with you, all I see from your posts is that you don't believe you can stand on your own. In my experience, when a person is co-dependent on someone else they just transfer that co-dependency to someone else. I've seen really great girlfriends end up with these a$#h@les who think they can treat them like possessions or do what they want because they provide for them. The guy feels like he gives the girl "everything", but the girl knows he gives her nothing that matters.
This guy is mistreating you, period. Time and again he has proven himself unworthy.
I know how scared it is to be on your own, but you will never feel independent and on your own until you make it on your own. You can find a job, you can get a room mate to help with rent, etc. There are a lot of people that have done it and you sound level-headed and bright! Be good to yourself!
Once you get to a place where you are on your own and you don't need a guy then you will be ready to give yourself completely to a guy because it's your choice, not because you're scared.
I wish it was something that you could just get to, I feel this way about some of my friends who haven't learned things the way I've had to- the only way, the hard way. But, you will feel a million times better when you and you alone make yourself happy...
Best of luck with whatever decisions you make in your life, but right now you are young and these are great years in your in life that should be spent getting to know yourself, finding your place in this world, learning how to make it and having fun.
This guy is mistreating you, period. Time and again he has proven himself unworthy.
I know how scared it is to be on your own, but you will never feel independent and on your own until you make it on your own. You can find a job, you can get a room mate to help with rent, etc. There are a lot of people that have done it and you sound level-headed and bright! Be good to yourself!
Once you get to a place where you are on your own and you don't need a guy then you will be ready to give yourself completely to a guy because it's your choice, not because you're scared.
I wish it was something that you could just get to, I feel this way about some of my friends who haven't learned things the way I've had to- the only way, the hard way. But, you will feel a million times better when you and you alone make yourself happy...
Best of luck with whatever decisions you make in your life, but right now you are young and these are great years in your in life that should be spent getting to know yourself, finding your place in this world, learning how to make it and having fun.
midge
Active member
I was in this exact same position. It's hard to deal with, and really, it's not going to stop. He knows he can get away with it if he cries, says he's sorry, and won't do it again. You just keep taking him back, so why should he stop? You're letting him have his cake and eat it too. I've been there, done that. I kept taking my ex back, over and over and it didn't do any good for me. It really isn't fair for you to continuously deal with it. You deserve someone much better, who's going to want you, and only you.
MissChriss
Well-known member
I think my bf has a porn addiction. He doesn't do the webcam stuff. That I would never be able to tolerate. Hell I could be his webcam girl if it came to that...but I have discussed it with him and he is making an effort to change his behaviour after seeing that what he does hurts me.
If you have told him that its bother you and he does nothing I say you need to consider leaving him. If he has acknowledged what he is doing is a problem and is taking steps to correct it I would say stick with that man if you really love him, but from your post it doesn't sound like he is really doing anything about it.
I mean you are finding out he is signing up for new sites. Thats not a good thing. Sorry but it sounds like he may not be the one for you.
We can give you all the advice in the world. You gotta see it for yourself.
If you have told him that its bother you and he does nothing I say you need to consider leaving him. If he has acknowledged what he is doing is a problem and is taking steps to correct it I would say stick with that man if you really love him, but from your post it doesn't sound like he is really doing anything about it.
I mean you are finding out he is signing up for new sites. Thats not a good thing. Sorry but it sounds like he may not be the one for you.
We can give you all the advice in the world. You gotta see it for yourself.
glam8babe
Well-known member
ive been in this position before.. but my ex was just a complete ass hole, he actually went behind my back, not once but TWICE and i didnt know about it til i broke up with him.
I THOUGHT i was in love with him but i was just young and stupid (started going out with him when i was 15.. and i was with him for 1 year and 7 month)
But the thing is, i usually did wanna break up with him when we argued n stuff, i used to think to myself: what the hell would i do without him? i never thought i could live with breaking up with him but then one night he was out drinking.. i was too but we were with our friends in different clubs, i tried ringin him.. kept hangin up.. then this boy (whos now my current boyfriend) started talkin to me.. i sorta knew him as he lives round the corner and went to the same school but in the year above me.. we got talkin etc. he bought me drinks, he was just so sweet (nothing like my ex) then we swapped numbers, the next day something happened then my bf found out i was with another boy... he said he doesnt wanna be with me no more, i actually felt like shit like really bad, ive never been with someone so long and just broke up. but deep down i was actually happy. The next day i was with the new boy and he came to mine.. we were talking from about 6PM til 3AM!! we had so much in common.. my ex rang my mob and was saying sorry, saying how he loves me and didnt mean it etc. Then he realied i was with another boy.. he was upset.. then he was on msn begging me to ring him.. i was like FUCK THAT, now im soo glad and proud of myself that i broke up with him, i know it sounds a lil silly that i was with another boy when i shud of been with my current bf.. but he was an ass, he shudnt of hung up on me! lol that teaches him. and now hes with this ugly girl who has huge thighs and hes gone fat too... must have been comfort eating because he lost me (lol)
anyways so what im tryin to say is... if you really deep down dont love him, you know that hes hurting you then you dont have to cling onto him, if i can do it anybody can. I know it seems hard at first.. thinking how are you gonna cope without this person.. but you feel so much better once you're away from them, they cant hurt you no more... seriously hun he does sound like he doesnt listen (but what guys do right?) hes not gonna change even though he says he will.. but its not gonna stop him doing it again because its very rare that people do change..
i hope you make the right decision for yourself, just think about yourself and what else is out there waiting for you?
I THOUGHT i was in love with him but i was just young and stupid (started going out with him when i was 15.. and i was with him for 1 year and 7 month)
But the thing is, i usually did wanna break up with him when we argued n stuff, i used to think to myself: what the hell would i do without him? i never thought i could live with breaking up with him but then one night he was out drinking.. i was too but we were with our friends in different clubs, i tried ringin him.. kept hangin up.. then this boy (whos now my current boyfriend) started talkin to me.. i sorta knew him as he lives round the corner and went to the same school but in the year above me.. we got talkin etc. he bought me drinks, he was just so sweet (nothing like my ex) then we swapped numbers, the next day something happened then my bf found out i was with another boy... he said he doesnt wanna be with me no more, i actually felt like shit like really bad, ive never been with someone so long and just broke up. but deep down i was actually happy. The next day i was with the new boy and he came to mine.. we were talking from about 6PM til 3AM!! we had so much in common.. my ex rang my mob and was saying sorry, saying how he loves me and didnt mean it etc. Then he realied i was with another boy.. he was upset.. then he was on msn begging me to ring him.. i was like FUCK THAT, now im soo glad and proud of myself that i broke up with him, i know it sounds a lil silly that i was with another boy when i shud of been with my current bf.. but he was an ass, he shudnt of hung up on me! lol that teaches him. and now hes with this ugly girl who has huge thighs and hes gone fat too... must have been comfort eating because he lost me (lol)
anyways so what im tryin to say is... if you really deep down dont love him, you know that hes hurting you then you dont have to cling onto him, if i can do it anybody can. I know it seems hard at first.. thinking how are you gonna cope without this person.. but you feel so much better once you're away from them, they cant hurt you no more... seriously hun he does sound like he doesnt listen (but what guys do right?) hes not gonna change even though he says he will.. but its not gonna stop him doing it again because its very rare that people do change..
i hope you make the right decision for yourself, just think about yourself and what else is out there waiting for you?
Solace
Well-known member
All you need for strength and stability is yourself. You're better off without him. I don't know if there's potential to salvage the relationship because trust and loyalty is the foundation of a relationship and if you lack that, well, it's going down. It seems to me all he has is alligator tears and he doesn't mean what he says. If you look at your situation from an objective point of view it's ridiculous what this guy is doing and the answer may be quite simple.
trollydolly
Well-known member
i dont know wtf is wrong with me...i just checked his email and hes joined another webcam website. he paid $21 dollars on wednesday and $22 yesterday to watch some sluts on a webcam.
i dont know why hes doing this to me and why im letting him.
i dont know why hes doing this to me and why im letting him.
