sex..

[caRpediEm17]

how do you know when your ready? my boyfriend isnt pressuring me or anything like that, but ive juSs been thinking a lot about it lately...i really do love him, he's amazing, but we've only been going out for about a month...it seems like such a short amount of time to be already thinking of having sex with him, but he truly is a great guy all around...and its not that im NOT ready for sex, but i dont think im really ready for it...im juSs kinda like confused about it i guess? any sort of insight would be appreciated so thank you!

 

[Tonitra]

I think it really depends on the person...If you're not totally sure about it, then wait until you are-that way there won't be any regrets. As far as how long you should be in a relationship with someone before you have sex with them, I think that is also purely relative-there is no formulaic standard.
Personally, I go by how comfortable I am with the person. If there is mutual trust, respect, and affection for one another, then I generally feel like it is a good both for myself and my relationship with the other person.
Just go by how you feel about it yourself.

 

[jess98765]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tonitra I think it really depends on the person...If you're not totally sure about it, then wait until you are-that way there won't be any regrets. As far as how long you should be in a relationship with someone before you have sex with them, I think that is also purely relative-there is no formulaic standard. Personally, I go by how comfortable I am with the person. If there is mutual trust, respect, and affection for one another, then I generally feel like it is a good both for myself and my relationship with the other person. Just go by how you feel about it yourself.

Tonitra summed it up perfectly! ITA with all said

 

[Corvs Queen]

I think that if you even have to ask if you'r ready for it then you are most certainly NOT ready for it. Plus, you're young and you two haven't been together that long.

 

[bAbY_cHiCkEn01]

I think it really does depend on the person, not a matter of time. In my experience, first time was horrible, I was drunk and everything was done the wrong way and I really wasnt ready and its something I will honestly regret for the rest of my life, a month later the current love of my life walked in, and everything felt so right, and this was only 2 months later... and thats something I'm happy with, no regrets and no bad feelings... but honestly, presuming you're quite young, take your time, DON'T rush anything and especially, don't give in to what anyone says. Only you will know when the time is right... don't go by anybodys expectations or standards. And DO NOT follow crowds ~ then that will be something that you regret!

BTW ~ please don't think I'm some kinda slut either...

 

[caRpediEm17]

Quote:

Originally Posted by cookie_monsta2504 I think it really does depend on the person, not a matter of time. In my experience, first time was horrible, I was drunk and everything was done the wrong way and I really wasnt ready and its something I will honestly regret for the rest of my life, a month later the current love of my life walked in, and everything felt so right, and this was only 2 months later... and thats something I'm happy with, no regrets and no bad feelings... but honestly, presuming you're quite young, take your time, DON'T rush anything and especially, don't give in to what anyone says. Only you will know when the time is right... don't go by anybodys expectations or standards. And DO NOT follow crowds ~ then that will be something that you regret! BTW ~ please don't think I'm some kinda slut either...

haha i dont think your a slut at all! yeah im definitely not the type of person to follow the crowd or be pressured into anything so im really not worried about that...i mean i know since im uneasy about the whole situation im obviously not ready, but i was juSs wondering like how you know...but what im getting from you guys is that pretty much i will juSs know, like i'll be comfortable with it right? i hate to get all personal and i dont want to know like details or anything haha but was it weird the first time? thats something else i feel inky about, is juSs that its gonna be totally awkward and might change our relationship maybe? i dono...haha you can tell im young and confused...but thanks for those of you who responded to the last question...

 

[Tonitra]

As far as my first time, I didn't feel like it was awkward at all... I think we'd been together for about three months and were used to spending a lot of time together, so we were comfortable with ourselves and each other. Mutual trust, and all that. Also, I just felt that I was ready. If anything, I believe it strengthened our relationship.
As far as how it felt, I personally didn't think it hurt very much at all, but again that's a personal thing and everyone is different in that regard (I hope that wasn't TMI!). I suppose it also helped that he had had prior experience, so at least one of us wasn't totally clueless!

 

[caRpediEm17]

haha no that wasnt TMI, i juSs didnt wanna know like yeah first he put it in blah blah blah hahah...but yeah thanks for giving me an idea of what could happen...and for taking the time to read and write back

 

[twelfth of never]

Personally, I'm in the camp of waiting 'til marriage, but I think that if you really feel like you've got a connection and timing is right...anything can happen.

 

[bAbY_cHiCkEn01]

To be honest, as I said I was drunk so I never felt anything... but obviously it made it easier the 2nd time... felt pretty okay haha LOL!

 

[caRpediEm17]

hahah well thank you for letting me know!

 

[user3]

I waited until I was 18.

It wasn't really because of anything special.I just didn't want to have sex. Every one of friends had had sex but me. I had boyfriends dump me because I wouldn't put out.

I think you just know. I knew right away that I wanted my first. I could just tell. With the other guys I just didn't have that feeling. It just wasn't there. Sure I would "hot" when we made out but I NO need to naked with them! Matter of fact just the thought of it turned me off!
My first was the man that is now hubby. Now he wasn't my only but he was my first.
um...yeah I had a cheating problem later on down the line but that's another story and problem is solved.
Anyhow...I think you will just know. You'll want him and that feeling is undeniable!

 

[junealexandra]

Hey I just want to say, good for you for speaking up and asking! I agree, from experience, you want to have a connection with someone who accepts you for you,
and you feel you can trust and be comfortable with. Listen to your heart.
All the romance aside, if anything.. be educated and prepared, pregnancy and disease do happen the first time.

 

[Life In Return]

Why not wait until you're married ? If you can't see yourself being with him forever, why do it ? If you can see yourself marrying him, then stick around and wait until he's your husband. It's pointless to give what's so precious away to someone who may not be there a few months down the line.

 

[Chelly]

you'll know when its the right time. i waited till i was 19.. and i was with my boyfriend for a month (and im still with him 2 years later

)

 

[caRpediEm17]

thanks for all your input guys! i really do appreciate it! i was a lil iffy about posting this topic...i wasnt sure if people would be like why would you talk about that ish? but i appreciate the level of respect you ladies have shown about it...thanks again!

 

[MAC_Pixie04]

Well I don't believe in waiting until marriage because I find that sex within any relationship including marriage is significant. If it's bad, you could find that it outweighs other good aspects of the relationship and makes you unhappy, however not everybody sees it my way so that doesn't matter...but thats besides the point.
I agree that if you have to ask, you aren't ready. And this isn't a small thing, its not something you can go back and do over, so make sure there are no doubts, questions or hesitations in your mind before going through with it.

 

[kaliraksha]

I'm not sure if this is an EOT. However I have my own personal rules.

1. I have to see a future with him.
2. I have to want to (omg kinky!)
3. I have to love him.


All my personal opinions... I've only had sex once and I've been with this guy for 4 years... so I think I made the right decision. However, everyone is different... depends on your level of comfort with yourself more than anything. I have a friend who just enjoys it and does it with all her boyfriends but she has no regrets... and as long as shes being safe then I say good for her. I also have a friend who is waiting for marriage for personal reasons... as long as she's doing it for herself then I also agree with her.

However... although I'm not speaking from much experience... I think sex with the right person is an amazing amazing experience. Good luck!

 

[Hawkeye]

I'll tell ya straight out, if you have to think about it first it's probably not a good idea just yet.

That's the best advice I have ever gotton about everything. I can tell you that you'll be dealing with a LOT of things (Emotions-after thoughts). You'll know you're ready when it seems right to you not just physically because your emotions and stuff they lie to you they are really indecisive (you know how one day your like oh I hate doing this and then the next your like oh I LOVE doing this!) yeah you have to be mentally ready for it also. So you'll know when you feel "safe" about it.

 

[kimmy]

when you find the right guy that you want to give that to, you'll know. for sure. you'll know it will be him, you may not know when but you'll know it's going to be given up to him.

i've been friends with this guy for a year, talked about a relationship for five months, but he just "officially" became my boyfriend four days ago. we haven't had sex yet, but i know that my first time will be with him. i think it's something that happens when you really truly fall in love, you just want to give that person everything.

the only reason we haven't gone that far yet is because i don't think i'm ready for it right now. i think that because i had to question it, i think if you have to ask (like you are) then you're probably not ready.

no matter what you choose though, do what you think is best. and if you need to, talk to him about it. let him know you want him to be your first but you're not sure if you're ready for it yet, you know?

and i say; never let society's moral standards dictate ANYTHING. whether you sleep with him the day you start going out, the next month or in ten years, it doesn't make you a bad person. when the time is right, go for it. and don't worry about anyone else's views on it, because that's all about you and him