sex..

[kaliraksha]

I think it depends on birth control pill... I'm sure the doctor will know... but generally I think it's ok on the second week of it. Unless you start right at the end of the your period... which is when those "placebo pills" take place. I was ok with having sex with my bf w/out a condom because I was his first kiss/girlfriend... etc. He was really nerdy and sheltered then... oh so adorable!

It's not dumb to ask him to wear a condom at all.. if he complains about fit... get him something bigger... before we went condomless my boyfriend said he enjoyed "Beyond Seven" brand of condoms... he said its very close to the actual thing.... it's like a dollar or two more expensive but probably worth it.

P.S. I've heard a lot of great things about Yasmin birth control... and that's what I use because of all the recs from my friends... if that's an option for you... you might want to look into it.

Best of luck with you decisions!

 

[SonRisa]

I don't know. For me, it was never a big deal. Granted, you don't want to run around and sleep with everyone, but in my world, people put WAYYY too much on it. I know having it for the first time is a big deal because it's something new but other than that honestly I don't think it's a big deal. Everyone wants to believe their first time will be soooo special. And for some it may be. But most people I know, myself included, couldn't care less, nor talk to the person we lost our virginity to. Of course I'll always remember him, but looking back I was young, thought I was in love and truth is I wasn't. I didn't even know what love was. (I was 15) Even at my age now, to me sex is not a big deal. It's fun and I enjoy it, but sometimes it just is what is. *shrugs*

 

[SonRisa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kaliraksha well if it's both of your first times... then you can worry less about STDs... but for a guy at least... ive heard and i believe... it feels a lot different without a condom... just a thought... i honestly say wait... you've waited 16 yrs... what is two more weeks? QUOTE] no its not his first time, but trust me ive already asked him straight up if he has any STDs and he was juSs like HELL NO! and hes not the type of guy to joke or lie about that either...but yeah he said its better for him without the condom, but even WITH the birth control i kinda wanted to use a condom, would that be dumb? also, once i receive the birth control, doesnt it take like a month or something for the hormones to set in?

Fuck that. You make his ass wear a condom. Birth control pills don't always work. Condoms don't either . . . but still. I know you *think* he's not lying to you, but in all actuality he could very well have something and not know it. I highly doubt a 16 year old boy is getting tested on a regular basis. Clamydia (sp?) for instance doesn't always present symptoms. He could have that and pass it on to you and you may not ever know either. Meanwhile it's tearing up your insides so you wouldn't be able to have kids once you want them (if you do). Anti-biotics are the only medicine that will kill it.

 

[brandi]

NOO!! dont let him.... make him wear the damn condom and wait till you have your birth control and wait till it sets in.....
i'm 19 and had a child just last year trust me girl you want to save your younger years to go clubbin... dont chance it at all its not worth the rest of your life... my friend caught an STD from this guy she "thought" was true to her... and everything only to find out at the end he had a STD he didnt even know about and there is more than half of STD's that dont show any signs whatsoever!
sex is sex after your first time it's like okay... but dont go sleeping with anyone tom dick and harry... pick your sex partners wisely you never know what could happen...
it does feel a lot better for him not to wear a condom from what i'm told but is the pleasure for this guy worth it... thats what you got to ask yourself... just wait till your ready and everything is set...

 

[caRpediEm17]

thank you guys so much! i really do appreciate all the help youve given me...i knew in the back of my mind that i should make him wear a condom, regardless of whether or not he was telling me the truth, but i juSs needed a lil reassurance...thanks again and im glad to know that i have you ladies to turn to!

 

[Gloriamgo]

Always, AlWaYs, ALWAYS wear a condom!! I was with my ex for five years and never once had sex with him without a condom, EVER. And I was on the pill on top of that, it's just a matter of protecting yourself, and no one will protect you better than yourself...

 

[panties]

god i always preach about safe sex just because one night with who you think is special may not even be worth it 6 months down the road when you get tested for HIV and other STDs. i don't care if someone claims he/she is a virgin because there are so many people who lie about it, and possibly lie about other things. there's just too much at stake...use condoms, please and not just because of the fear of getting pregnant because as far as STD's go, not many people get tested, even less know about what they do or don't have in terms of diseases. if you feel like you are ready, then get tested for STDs first, or at least do it with protection.

sorry if i sound cynical, but you have to be because you're not gonna just put yourself out there like that.

 

[caRpediEm17]

no your not being cynical, i really do appreciate and understand your input...im definitely getting tested for stds when i go in to get my birth control...should i ask him to go get tested too?

 

[panties]

Quote:

Originally Posted by caRpediEm17 no your not being cynical, i really do appreciate and understand your input...im definitely getting tested for stds when i go in to get my birth control...should i ask him to go get tested too?

yes, make him get tested too, he should have nothing to hide. i wouldn't want anyone to make the mistake in not putting on a condom and bam months later you can get a disease that can potentially kill you or get pregnant or something really serious, you know what i mean? it's just the best thing to do, and it also allows you to communicate with him more on the topic of pregnancy and just sex and it's possible outcomes since i know it can be an awkward subject sometimes.

 

[caRpediEm17]

alright now i jUSs need to work up the courage to ask him to get tested...he wont get mad or frusterated, but im sure it will be awkward haha...thanks so much again!

 

[kaliraksha]

one good point is... even if you do get tested... and i hate to be a downer... but what if he cheats on you at some point? =( that worried me a little (my dad cheated on my mom and i always knew when i was little so im constantly paranoid and i put my bf through hell about it) and what kept me using condoms... until we got onto the serious marriage talk and had been together for over 2 years then i did the condomless thing--- in truth its a litlte easier because no matter what no matter where you are always ready to go! haha =)

with my boyfriend.. i wasnt too worried because i really really knew him... as my best friend amongst other things... he was a little socially inept and i knew he had never even kissed a girl... so condomless for me was an ok decision that i dont regret... but evenso didnt do that from the get go... it wasnt until after i knew we were in it for the long term did i go that route. of course the idea crosses my mind that if he cheats on me and catches something and gives it to me... but then again that could be my same line of thinking when im married (and married guys cheat too)... and i dont plan to have sex with a condom forever... so i think its based upon individual people and relationship and when you basically trust your health, future and life to him.

 

[MissMarley]

Quote:

Originally Posted by caRpediEm17 alright now i jUSs need to work up the courage to ask him to get tested...he wont get mad or frusterated, but im sure it will be awkward haha...thanks so much again!

if that's awkward for you, then think hard about your decision. you should be completely comfortable talking about issues relating to sexuality and your health with your SO before you make that decison to sleep with him. If he'll be cool with you asking, that's awesome- that says a lot for his character.

I know that it is different for everyone, but I will tell you that waiting until I was married to sleep with my husband is the best decision we ever made. I had been raped in high school, so sexuality was a touchy issue for me- his willingness to wait for me until we made that ultimate commitment to each other was one of the most meaningful gifts I have ever received. Yes, it was hard to not sleep together- we had been together almost three years before we got married- but it was worth it. I knew that he wasn't with me for sex, and he never pressured me or made me feel uncomfortable. It made me feel more comfortable with him, and with sex in general. I felt like I was safe- I didn't have to worry about "what if I get pregnant?" because he wasn't going anywhere. He was a virgin so I didn't have to worry about him being tested- and luckily, I hadn't gotten anything from the rape, although I was terrified that I could have.

I guess I just wanted to share my perspective with you. You only get one "first time"- make sure it's one that you want to remember for the rest of your life. And make SURE he wears a condom- don't listen to any excuses about that! You have to protect yourself! Even if he says he doesn't have any symptoms, he better get tested- many STDs can be asymptomatic in men for years. Just make sure you're protecting your heart too. I think it's awesome that you're really evaluating this decision- I think our culture takes sex really lightly sometimes. You obviously have a good head on your shoulders

 

[kaliraksha]

I can understand how it's kind of an odd thing to talk about... especially if you feel like he's special and you feel like you want to trust his decision... but hey, if hes not worried and he wants to do "it" -- he will do it for you and him.

 

[MissMarley]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SadieMC *loud applause* SO did I(wait until I got married)no matter how much peer pressure there was. They called me a geek,and I didn't give a hoot.I stuck with my beliefs and now I have nothing to regret. I think its SO rare these days and I hope you too stick to your guns!I sincerely applaud you for not only feeling this way,but to openly admit it!

So this is getting a little off-topic, but do you think there is a cultural stigma about waiting til marriage nowadays? Do people see it as geeky or "freaky religious stuff"? Girls, guys, what do you think?
btw- I waited till marriage as well. My husband is the only man I've slept with. Being raped was NOT having sex.

 

[MissMarley]

it was both a religious and a practical decision for me. even when i took my religious beliefs out of the equation, it just made sense for me, personally, to not sleep with anyone until i knew that i could absolutely trust them.