Breastfeeding in public

[fafinette21]

Re: Breastfeeding (moved from Industry Discussion)

I don't see why everyone here is getting so bent out of shape. Both myself and sharkbytes have expressed our opinions pretty calmly and civily, without attacking anyone for their choices. But most everyone else seems to be hostile and swearing at people, which just seems unnecessary.

Why should I have to change my behaviour just because someone else wants to put everything out there? Why is your need to breastfeed in public greater than my desire NOT to see it in public?

I HAVE seen mothers breastfeed discreetly, without putting it all out there and I have no problem with it. So if THEY are capable of doing it, why isn't everyone else?

 

[*Stargazer*]

Re: Breastfeeding (moved from Industry Discussion)

Quote:

Originally Posted by fafinette21 Why should I have to change my behaviour just because someone else wants to put everything out there? Why is your need to breastfeed in public greater than my desire NOT to see it in public?

Because a hungry infant trumps the fact that you are incapable of looking elsewhere.

 

[sharkbytes]

Re: Breastfeeding (moved from Industry Discussion)

Wow, my point about people being polite is being illustrated SO nicely. Anyone who has offered the opinion that perhaps publicly breastfeeding mothers could be a bit courteous and move out of the way/high traffic areas has been unfailingly polite, while those who have been indignant and unwilling to acknowledge a dissenting opinion have been downright rude, swearing and making personal remarks about how we ought to "grow up."

Specktra's always had a reputation for allowing these type of debates so long as they remain civil. It'd be nice to keep to that tradition.

No one's asking you to starve your child, and frankly I don't care about the top of your breast. It seems like that's what everyone is harping on to ignore the fact that it's rather rude to just (as the ORIGINAL post said) assume that the salesperson in a shoe store wants to watch a woman breastfeed while she's putting shoes on her. There's a time and a place. I'm a grown woman, I don't eat in the middle of a department store, there's no reason to feed a child there. I'm sure there's a food court or a nursing room somewhere nearby.

 

[fafinette21]

Re: Breastfeeding (moved from Industry Discussion)

I'm quite capable of looking elsewhere. But someone else's actions shouldn't force me to alter mine. That's like because a smoker wants to smoke inside telling me to "breathe somewhere else". Just to clarify, before someone goes of off on me for that, I'm not comparing breastfeeding mothers to smokers. So don't go there.

If your baby is hungry, by all means feed it. I just don't see the need to expose yourself while doing so, or impede someone else.

 

[*Stargazer*]

Re: Breastfeeding (moved from Industry Discussion)

Quote:

Originally Posted by sharkbytes It seems like that's what everyone is harping on to ignore the fact that it's rather rude to just (as the ORIGINAL post said) assume that the salesperson in a shoe store wants to watch a woman breastfeed while she's putting shoes on her. There's a time and a place. I'm a grown woman, I don't eat in the middle of a department store, there's no reason to feed a child there. I'm sure there's a food court or a nursing room somewhere nearby.

Many of us addressed the fact that the woman in the shoe store was flat out rude. It would have been just as rude if she'd yapped on a phone. And again, many of us pointed that out.

It's painfully obvious reading this post who actually has any experience with an infant. Saying that you don't eat in a department store so a child shouldn't is laughable.

 

[*Stargazer*]

Re: Breastfeeding (moved from Industry Discussion)

Quote:

Originally Posted by fafinette21 I'm quite capable of looking elsewhere. But someone else's actions shouldn't force me to alter mine.

This doesn't even make sense. How is not looking at a breastfeeding woman altering your actions?

 

[sharkbytes]

Re: Breastfeeding (moved from Industry Discussion)

Having "experience with an infant" doesn't mean you have to be inconsiderate to others around you in public. Plenty of people manage to both care for their child AND be considerate.

 

[fafinette21]

Re: Breastfeeding (moved from Industry Discussion)

I don't really see what experience with a child has to do with anything. Because I know and have seen mothers capable of breastfeeding without drawing attention to the fact that they are, or who are doing it in more private areas. So the fact is, it is a possibility.

If you don't want people to look at you, then don't do it in public. You can't expect to receive common courtesy if you're not giving it to someone else.

 

[fafinette21]

Re: Breastfeeding (moved from Industry Discussion)

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Stargazer* This doesn't even make sense. How is not looking at a breastfeeding woman altering your actions?

As in, why should I have to studiously avert my gaze when I should be able to look around however I please.

 

[concertina]

Re: Breastfeeding (moved from Industry Discussion)

If the choice is between a screaming infant ruining my day/meal/shopping experience/conversation and blissful silence, please, breastfeed the damn kid.

That said, as other commenters have mentioned, don't do it in the middle of the store. Find a quiet spot, out of the flow of traffic and do it there. Don't find a dark corner or a dark room, just somewhere out of the general melee of life.

Also, the snide remarks about 'you can tell who doesn't have children'? I just *LOVE* superiority complexes being shown. Not having a kid has nothing to do with being able to recognize common courtesy, or a lack thereof.

 

[Lapis]

Re: Breastfeeding (moved from Industry Discussion)

Quote:

Originally Posted by fafinette21 I agree with sharkbytes. I just don't think it appropriate to have everything out there in public. There's a place for everything and I don't necessarily think walking through the mall or eating dinner at a restaurant is the place to be breastfeeding your child. For me, it's just about modesty, I also have no desire to see some chick who has her cleavage all out there for the world to see. Yea breasts are natural, feeding your child is natural, that's all well and good, but I don't see why I have to be subjected to it. Now someone's probably going to attack me for whatever reason, but I don't really care, that's how I feel.

Thankfully the law does NOT agree with you and protects my right to bf where ever I need to be.
I can be modest and bf, they are not mutually exclusive!

Classic example Maggie Gyllenhaal got flack for bf-ing
yeah it's fine for her to have her legs spread in underwear in a mag but rue the day she pops her titty in her kids mouth, give me a break
If you want to be modest fine you breastfeed where YOU want to, and leave me alone when I would rather not get up and be sequestered away from others to feed my kid


Quote:

Originally Posted by Simply Elegant There are a lot more unpleasant things out there to see in public every day than seeing the very upper part of a breast (which many tops expose anyway) for 1 second before you look away. Would you rather deny a baby who doesn't understand why it has to wait to be fed so that you can feel comfortable?

Thank you, I see MUCH more exposed by women just walking around the mall, much more than when I bf.
I've been bf-ing in public had people come up to me to speak and then when they went to touch my child I had to tell them "hey she's nursing" and I have ddd breast so it's not like I have tiny bee sting boobs that you could miss!

 

[glamdoll]

Re: Breastfeeding (moved from Industry Discussion)

Quote:

Originally Posted by fafinette21 As in, why should I have to studiously avert my gaze when I should be able to look around however I please.

You're right, you shouldn't have to look else where, if you would like to directly stare in the place the mother is feeding her child you may do so. But by any means do not expect the mother to stop feeding her child so you are not offended.

And having experience w/ a child means a whole lot. Once you understand the kind of love between a mother and a child, once you EXPERIENCE that kind of profound love (and no its nothing to the OMG my boyfriend means the world type BS love) this is one that NOTHING can break, then you will understand why a mother does not care what the world thinks, if her child is hugry she is gonna feed him/her regardless of what people think is appropriate.

I know that I would do anything for my son whether people liked it or not.

 

[*Stargazer*]

Re: Breastfeeding (moved from Industry Discussion)

Quote:

Originally Posted by concertina Also, the snide remarks about 'you can tell who doesn't have children'? I just *LOVE* superiority complexes being shown. Not having a kid has nothing to do with being able to recognize common courtesy, or a lack thereof.

It has nothing to do with being snide or superior. When people compare feeding an infant to an adult eating or say things like "pump or give them a bottle", it's completely obvious that they have no experience with the day to day care of an infant.

Common courtesy dictates don't impede anyone, period. We've all agreed to that. Repeatedly.

 

[fafinette21]

Re: Breastfeeding (moved from Industry Discussion)

I believe I pointed out that you can be modest and breastfeed and I have seen mothers do so, and I have no problem with this. Nowhere did I say that people who breastfeed period are bad people for doing so.

 

[fafinette21]

Re: Breastfeeding (moved from Industry Discussion)

Quote:

Originally Posted by glamdoll You're right, you shouldn't have to look else where, if you would like to directly stare in the place the mother is feeding her child you may do so. But by any means do not expect the mother to stop feeding her child so you are not offended.

And in the same vein, do not expect others to stop staring if the MOTHER is offended they are looking. It goes two ways.

 

[Lapis]

Re: Breastfeeding (moved from Industry Discussion)

Quote:

Originally Posted by fafinette21 And in the same vein, do not expect others to stop staring if the MOTHER is offended they are looking. It goes two ways.

well I guess that gives me the right to stare as you eat dinner, or give looks at the mom with a crying child? cause in both cases people are generally offended by staring.
Oh wait no staring is impolite unless you are looking at someone performing! well that's what I teach my kids at least

 

[panther27]

Re: Breastfeeding (moved from Industry Discussion)

The way I look at it is,if you don't like it,don't look.And breastfeeding is not in the least bit offensive to me.And also there are girls running around in short short skirts and whatnot and nobody complains about them!And that,imo,is the real problem.

 

[Beauty Mark]

Re: Breastfeeding (moved from Industry Discussion)

Quote:

Originally Posted by fafinette21 As in, why should I have to studiously avert my gaze when I should be able to look around however I please.

You are able to look wherever you want. Just don't stare. Staring is flat out rude, no matter what the person is doing.

If the mother gets on your ass for allegedly staring and you're not, whatever. She's just being oversensitive or a bitch or something. Shrug it off and realize you took the moral high ground.

Life is full of stuff we don't like. I took a bus ride where a man (I believe homeless) reeked of urine to the point you could smell it in the back. I couldn't escape that one too easily. You just figure out ways to deal

 

[fafinette21]

Re: Breastfeeding (moved from Industry Discussion)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beauty Mark You are able to look wherever you want. Just don't stare. Staring is flat out rude, no matter what the person is doing. If the mother gets on your ass for allegedly staring and you're not, whatever. She's just being oversensitive or a bitch or something. Shrug it off and realize you took the moral high ground.

My point with that statement was kind of like, I shouldn't have to worry about whether or not some mother is going to be offended if I look in their direction. It's like some women put it out there and when anyone even glances at them passingly they're all up on their high horse about people staring at them. So it's like, if you don't want anyone looking at you period, then go somewhere private.

 

[pat]

Re: Breastfeeding (moved from Industry Discussion)

I've been reading this thread and checking it out for the past few days... It's crazy how much has changed from the first post onto the last...

I do feel that there are some personal attacks on this thread so let's try to keep it civil.

I'm not a mother but I was 10 (now 20) years old when I started taking care of my infant sister (now 10) and brother (now 9) . I watched them grow as if they were my own child due to the fact that my parents are/were constantly working 24/7. With that being said, I never once saw my Mom breast feed in public. I'm not fully aware why she never did, but I'm assuming because she felt uncomfortable at the thought that someone may be looking. The bond of a mother and child is very precious and maybe some people opt to not do this in public. I remember my Mom breast feeding at home and when we would leave, she would pump or give my brother and sister formula.

With that being said, I have an aunt who breast feeds anytime and anywhere. I was/still (not sure) breast feeding my 3 year old cousin. I do remember a funny/awkward situation when we were at church and my cousin started to lift up my aunt's shirt during the sermon. hahahaha.... eeek!

I'm not saying I wont breast feed but I don't think I would be comfortable breast feeding in public. As some of you have said, there are some mothers who do try to do it discreetly, but there are some who don't care and just let it all show. Yes, it is a natural thing to breast feed but I do think that since times have changed, not a lot of people are comfortable with the view of this.