Children -- yay or nay?
- Thread starter mzcelaneous
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mac_goddess
Well-known member
I have two already (plus one angel) and thought we were done. When the option is threatened to be taken away you start to reconsider having more while you still can (and if you can afford it)
I realize there are other options out there like adoption, and someday that might just be the only way. Time will tell.
I realize there are other options out there like adoption, and someday that might just be the only way. Time will tell.
mzcelaneous
Well-known member
Quote:
LOL, ain't nothing wrong with that. You'll be cool Aunt Jamie if you decide to remain childless. I love my crazy cat-loving Aunt
THANK YOU ALL for your input. Especially those who choose not to have children -- it puts things in a different perspective for me. I was a bit sheltered on this topic, but now my views have broadened tremendously. Thanks!
| Originally Posted by mans_x_ruin I'm convinced I'm gonna be the crazy, eccentric little old lady with the cats... |
LOL, ain't nothing wrong with that. You'll be cool Aunt Jamie if you decide to remain childless. I love my crazy cat-loving Aunt
THANK YOU ALL for your input. Especially those who choose not to have children -- it puts things in a different perspective for me. I was a bit sheltered on this topic, but now my views have broadened tremendously. Thanks!
IslandGirl77
Well-known member
Quote:
I had a tubal and it failed after one year of having it done.
| Originally Posted by hyperRealGurl Having kids is a personal choice.... I have no ill feelings on the matter b/c who am i to judge someone for not wanting to have kids. Ppl have children for many reasons, and some ppl dont for many reasons. 
My aunt is 32 years old and she does not have kids. My sister is 24 and she does not have kids. But i have 2 beautiful little boys whom i adore. So it was a yay for me
If i had the choice to have more..."it would be a Nay" Unofortunantly for medical reasons i had to get a tubal Ligation, so i have no worries about having more babies. I love babies/childrens/kids love them all but 2 is enough for me. Just keeping the family tradtion alive i guess... my dad had 2 girls , and i had 2 boys. |
I had a tubal and it failed after one year of having it done.
MAC_Whore
Well-known member
I am of the age where most of our/my friends have kids, so my husband and I are in the minority.
I have a related question for those of you that don't have kids or don't plan on having any...
Do you notice that a lot of people try to talk you into having kids? Or ask you why you don't want to have children? Or they feel that it is so unnatural to not have kids that they assume it is a medical problem?
I ask because that has happened to me a lot. Especially in the mid-late 20s. The worst persuasion/piece of "advice" someone gave me was: "How do you know you won't like having kids until you try it."
Ummm... and if I don't like it, can I return the child for a refund?
And I have to say that I hate it when people say its selfish to not have kids! Why is it selfish? Its not as if it is some duty that I am failing to fulfill. Its just a lifestyle choice.
I have a related question for those of you that don't have kids or don't plan on having any...
Do you notice that a lot of people try to talk you into having kids? Or ask you why you don't want to have children? Or they feel that it is so unnatural to not have kids that they assume it is a medical problem?
I ask because that has happened to me a lot. Especially in the mid-late 20s. The worst persuasion/piece of "advice" someone gave me was: "How do you know you won't like having kids until you try it."
Ummm... and if I don't like it, can I return the child for a refund?
And I have to say that I hate it when people say its selfish to not have kids! Why is it selfish? Its not as if it is some duty that I am failing to fulfill. Its just a lifestyle choice.
MeganGMcD
Well-known member
I hate , hate, hate, hate , hate when this topic comes up in public conversation. It turn women against each other( Women should have babies! vs You are all brain dead breeders who are ruining feminism! ) and it breaks the heart of people who want children and can't have them.
My aunt and uncle lost two very wanted, very adored chidlren shortly after birth. They decided to not try again. I've seen the pain it caused them when people asked.
BEsides If you have kids you will tell people about them eventually.
Sorry I just can't stop talking about people asking strangers if they have children- Also I have children and I RESENT the heck out of people asking me. Because I am automatically holed into a "mommy" shelf. Yes, I have children and I would give kidneys for them, however I do a lot of other things too. I am a writer, a political activist, a volunteer, I make jewelry. When I show you what I have, and I am sure you aren't a presumptive idiot, I will tell you all about my kids.
No one does anything for unselfish reasons. So no one's choice is above anyone elses. Sometimes people do try to talk people into having kids, but its not about YOUR choice. I will not lie, my kids are a great source of inspiration and joy for me, and some people are share-ers. A lot of people are looking for ways to validate their own life style. They just haven't realized they don't have to.
My aunt and uncle lost two very wanted, very adored chidlren shortly after birth. They decided to not try again. I've seen the pain it caused them when people asked.
BEsides If you have kids you will tell people about them eventually.
Sorry I just can't stop talking about people asking strangers if they have children- Also I have children and I RESENT the heck out of people asking me. Because I am automatically holed into a "mommy" shelf. Yes, I have children and I would give kidneys for them, however I do a lot of other things too. I am a writer, a political activist, a volunteer, I make jewelry. When I show you what I have, and I am sure you aren't a presumptive idiot, I will tell you all about my kids.
No one does anything for unselfish reasons. So no one's choice is above anyone elses. Sometimes people do try to talk people into having kids, but its not about YOUR choice. I will not lie, my kids are a great source of inspiration and joy for me, and some people are share-ers. A lot of people are looking for ways to validate their own life style. They just haven't realized they don't have to.
hyperRealGurl
Well-known member
Quote:
gheeeez!!!!! gurl.
2 years going on 3 in Dec of this year and no bebe's
| Originally Posted by IslandGirl77 I had a tubal and it failed after one year of having it done. |
gheeeez!!!!! gurl.
2 years going on 3 in Dec of this year and no bebe's
mzcelaneous
Well-known member
Quote:
I'm sorry you feel that way and that you've had those kind of experiences.
I hope I didn't offend anyone, including you, for starting this thread. Choosing whether to have children or not was never a topic of conversation in our home because it was almost considered taboo. I was quite sheltered about it until I became older and didn't quite understand why women choose not to have children. Not because women are supposed to, but because I barely knew their reasons for choosing not to. Before starting this thread I only knew of a handful of women who choose not to have children and after reading many responses here, I now know and understand more. I know it isn't any of my business, but you do have a choice to tell me or not.
I have a long-time friend whom I haven't seen in years, is coming back home. We speak often and she mentioned that when she returns she wants to have "permanent birth control". She won't discuss it with me over the phone, but in person. By starting this thread, I wanted to "prepare" myself by broadening my knowledge on the subject prior to reuniting with her and at the same time fulfill my curiosity.
I'm really not trying to persuade anyone in any direction because their life is obviously not mines.
| Originally Posted by MeganGMcD I hate , hate, hate, hate , hate when this topic comes up in public conversation. It turn women against each other( Women should have babies! vs You are all brain dead breeders who are ruining feminism! ) and it breaks the heart of people who want children and can't have them. My aunt and uncle lost two very wanted, very adored chidlren shortly after birth. They decided to not try again. I've seen the pain it caused them when people asked. BEsides If you have kids you will tell people about them eventually. Sorry I just can't stop talking about people asking strangers if they have children- Also I have children and I RESENT the heck out of people asking me. Because I am automatically holed into a "mommy" shelf. Yes, I have children and I would give kidneys for them, however I do a lot of other things too. I am a writer, a political activist, a volunteer, I make jewelry. When I show you what I have, and I am sure you aren't a presumptive idiot, I will tell you all about my kids. No one does anything for unselfish reasons. So no one's choice is above anyone elses. Sometimes people do try to talk people into having kids, but its not about YOUR choice. I will not lie, my kids are a great source of inspiration and joy for me, and some people are share-ers. A lot of people are looking for ways to validate their own life style. They just haven't realized they don't have to. |
I'm sorry you feel that way and that you've had those kind of experiences.
I hope I didn't offend anyone, including you, for starting this thread. Choosing whether to have children or not was never a topic of conversation in our home because it was almost considered taboo. I was quite sheltered about it until I became older and didn't quite understand why women choose not to have children. Not because women are supposed to, but because I barely knew their reasons for choosing not to. Before starting this thread I only knew of a handful of women who choose not to have children and after reading many responses here, I now know and understand more. I know it isn't any of my business, but you do have a choice to tell me or not.
I have a long-time friend whom I haven't seen in years, is coming back home. We speak often and she mentioned that when she returns she wants to have "permanent birth control". She won't discuss it with me over the phone, but in person. By starting this thread, I wanted to "prepare" myself by broadening my knowledge on the subject prior to reuniting with her and at the same time fulfill my curiosity.
I'm really not trying to persuade anyone in any direction because their life is obviously not mines.
mzcelaneous
Well-known member
Quote:
Uhhh....that was dumb. Why would you try having kids just to see if you'd like it? Yea...right. Like you said....can you exchange it for something better if you don't like it?
Again, I think the selfishness goes both ways because I admit, I am selfish for wanting to have children. Whoever says you're selfish for choosing to be childless is selfish themselves.
| Originally Posted by MAC_Whore The worst persuasion/piece of "advice" someone gave me was: "How do you know you won't like having kids until you try it." Ummm... and if I don't like it, can I return the child for a refund?
And I have to say that I hate it when people say its selfish to not have kids! Why is it selfish? Its not as if it is some duty that I am failing to fulfill. Its just a lifestyle choice. |
Uhhh....that was dumb. Why would you try having kids just to see if you'd like it? Yea...right. Like you said....can you exchange it for something better if you don't like it?
Again, I think the selfishness goes both ways because I admit, I am selfish for wanting to have children. Whoever says you're selfish for choosing to be childless is selfish themselves.
Lady_MAC
Well-known member
I've had one, and I'm not doing this again. Rather than contributing to our over-populated world, I now prefer to aid the children who already exist. My plan is to be a foster mom, or maybe adopt children once I have a career. And I don't want to take in the babies, only older children.
user79
Well-known member
Quote:
I can't say that I have ever experienced that myself. However, only 1 of our friends has a child until now, all the others are childless. I guess it depends what social circle you are in. We have had lots of people ask us when we're getting married, since my bf and I have been together for 6 years.
| Originally Posted by MAC_Whore Do you notice that a lot of people try to talk you into having kids? Or ask you why you don't want to have children? Or they feel that it is so unnatural to not have kids that they assume it is a medical problem? |
I can't say that I have ever experienced that myself. However, only 1 of our friends has a child until now, all the others are childless. I guess it depends what social circle you are in. We have had lots of people ask us when we're getting married, since my bf and I have been together for 6 years.
Renee
Well-known member
I had my son when I was 19 and I'm glad I had him early in life. Kids are a lot of work and take a lot of energy! I couldn't do it now that's for sure! I've grown with my son and I think we are closer because of it. Not saying it was easy, cuz it wasn't. Kids are also EXPENSIVE!!! Even more so as they get older with the demands of designer everything and anything! He is an only child and he or I wouldn't have it any other way!
Sanne
Well-known member
I'm kinda on a baby cloud right now cuz my neighbour just had a baby, and I just held that little cuty, so I might talk a bit too romantic...
I love to have kid myself, I i allready knew I wanted kids when I was a little girl. When I got a bit older, I had a show and tell-speech, and off course the subject was about pregnancy and the development from ann egg to a baby.
A year later I wrote my essay about the same subject. I knew for sure that I'd go to the school for midwifes right after highschool, but unfortunatly that didn't happen.
when I met Jelke (I was 18 back then) I got this overwhelming baby-urges, I couldn't stop obsessing about getting pregnant. We where smart enough to know getting pregnant was not an option, we both lived with out parents and had no money, and that was not the moment we wanted our baby to be born in. But when I missed a pill and was an hour later for my period I'd freak out! thank god (now) that I never got pregnant! I was obsessing a lot and jelke and I talked a lot about it. I guess I'm lucky jelke wasn't scared off by me back then, hahaha
Because I was such a chaotic mess and kept forgetting 1-2pills a month (!) I took a hormonal implant. My period are not everymonth, and because of that I don't take any notice of it anymore. But strangely enough, I got addicted to mac 2 years ago, and I recently discovered how MAC is my distraction for my babyfever. (I found out a few months ago: because of moving and being unemployed, I had no money and had very little to spend at mac. I started to worry again, and I felt a lot better when I was able to buy mac again)
I can't wait till the day we get ourselves a larger home, and can start the "trying". But thanks to mac the waiting isn't torture anymore
And now I just visited the neighbours, I am conviced I'll be a great mum!!!! and Jelke is soo going to be a great dad and we'll make lot's f blond babies
I love to have kid myself, I i allready knew I wanted kids when I was a little girl. When I got a bit older, I had a show and tell-speech, and off course the subject was about pregnancy and the development from ann egg to a baby.
A year later I wrote my essay about the same subject. I knew for sure that I'd go to the school for midwifes right after highschool, but unfortunatly that didn't happen.
when I met Jelke (I was 18 back then) I got this overwhelming baby-urges, I couldn't stop obsessing about getting pregnant. We where smart enough to know getting pregnant was not an option, we both lived with out parents and had no money, and that was not the moment we wanted our baby to be born in. But when I missed a pill and was an hour later for my period I'd freak out! thank god (now) that I never got pregnant! I was obsessing a lot and jelke and I talked a lot about it. I guess I'm lucky jelke wasn't scared off by me back then, hahaha
Because I was such a chaotic mess and kept forgetting 1-2pills a month (!) I took a hormonal implant. My period are not everymonth, and because of that I don't take any notice of it anymore. But strangely enough, I got addicted to mac 2 years ago, and I recently discovered how MAC is my distraction for my babyfever. (I found out a few months ago: because of moving and being unemployed, I had no money and had very little to spend at mac. I started to worry again, and I felt a lot better when I was able to buy mac again)
I can't wait till the day we get ourselves a larger home, and can start the "trying". But thanks to mac the waiting isn't torture anymore
And now I just visited the neighbours, I am conviced I'll be a great mum!!!! and Jelke is soo going to be a great dad and we'll make lot's f blond babies
lara
Well-known member
Quote:
All the time. It annoys me more than being immediately written off as selfish or the almost mandatory 'I knew this women who didn't want children and then she realised her life sucked and had kids and now her life is complete/I didn't want children and then I changed my mind and now I'm over the moon and you will be too' stories, because it immediately assumes that I'm in some way defective and therefore an object of pity. I'm fine with my choices, please extend the courtesy to me not immediately write me off as a crazy person within earshot.
On the flipside, I also understand that a lot of women haven't been exposed to the notion of actively choosing to not have children, and that's fine too - I'm happy to discuss it privately with anyone who wants to learn about it. Education dispells myths.
Then again, I don't buy that having children is detrimental to feminism, as raised a couple of posts previously. Feminism gave you the choice to live your life as a fully-formed, rational, adult woman who is given the cognitive abilities to make your own choices and have them recognised as legit options, and part of that choice includes the option to reproduce in the manner you feel capable of, which includes the option to Duggar out 16 kids (although it's safe to say the patriarchy is firmly in control in that particular household) or to not have children at all. As long as you came to that descision yourself and not through the influence of others, then it's a descision that is supported by feminist ideals.
| Originally Posted by MAC_Whore Do you notice that a lot of people try to talk you into having kids? Or ask you why you don't want to have children? Or they feel that it is so unnatural to not have kids that they assume it is a medical problem? |
All the time. It annoys me more than being immediately written off as selfish or the almost mandatory 'I knew this women who didn't want children and then she realised her life sucked and had kids and now her life is complete/I didn't want children and then I changed my mind and now I'm over the moon and you will be too' stories, because it immediately assumes that I'm in some way defective and therefore an object of pity. I'm fine with my choices, please extend the courtesy to me not immediately write me off as a crazy person within earshot.
Then again, I don't buy that having children is detrimental to feminism, as raised a couple of posts previously. Feminism gave you the choice to live your life as a fully-formed, rational, adult woman who is given the cognitive abilities to make your own choices and have them recognised as legit options, and part of that choice includes the option to reproduce in the manner you feel capable of, which includes the option to Duggar out 16 kids (although it's safe to say the patriarchy is firmly in control in that particular household) or to not have children at all. As long as you came to that descision yourself and not through the influence of others, then it's a descision that is supported by feminist ideals.
Jaim
Well-known member
I don't know about kids. I'm constantly wondering how they would turn out. I'm scared that even if I was the best parent in the world, they'd still be bad, cave in to peer pressure and end up hurt or something. I had a great childhood and I think my mom did a wonderful job raising my sister and I! If I could somehow guarantee that my kid would be as well-behaved as I was, I'd want kids for sure!
I also wonder about going through life not knowing what it's like to have a child. It's not like I can learn from someone else's experiences. Everyone says I'll be a crazy cat lady too (ever seen that TLC Life Lessons commercial with the cat lady??) but all the cats in the world wouldn't make up for having a child of my own.
I also wonder about going through life not knowing what it's like to have a child. It's not like I can learn from someone else's experiences. Everyone says I'll be a crazy cat lady too (ever seen that TLC Life Lessons commercial with the cat lady??) but all the cats in the world wouldn't make up for having a child of my own.
MAC_Whore
Well-known member
Quote:
NOTE: Not trying to start an arguement here, just providing another viewpoint.
I appreciate what you are saying. However, having children is a lifestyle choice, like for example sexual preference. I happen to be heterosexual, and that is just my preference. It is what I feel is right for me. I don't feel that I have to try out the other side of the fence, in this case, homosexuality, to know for sure.
Women who have the intelligence and forethought to not have children when they know it is not for them, are not short-changing themselves. They just know what they want. Just as a lot of women who have children know that was the choice they wanted to make. I just see it as why should I bring a child into the world if I know that is not what I want? I am not going to have a child just to "test the waters."
I guess the thing that is a bit annoying about it is that rarely does someone question someone's choice to have kids like they do for women who don't have kids. For example, I have often been asked, "When are you having kids?" or "Oh, you're not having any, why?" or "Give it time, you'll change your mind". But it would seem so rude if the situation were reversed and I said to someone who just had a child, "Why did you do that?" or "Sure, you're happy now, but give it time, you'll change your mind".
| Originally Posted by quandolak .....cos really why many people feel that women who choose not to have kids are missing out is because those who have kids have seen both sides of the fence..and both states of happiness and those who havent had their own kids to look after have only seen one side of the story.. |
NOTE: Not trying to start an arguement here, just providing another viewpoint.
I appreciate what you are saying. However, having children is a lifestyle choice, like for example sexual preference. I happen to be heterosexual, and that is just my preference. It is what I feel is right for me. I don't feel that I have to try out the other side of the fence, in this case, homosexuality, to know for sure.
Women who have the intelligence and forethought to not have children when they know it is not for them, are not short-changing themselves. They just know what they want. Just as a lot of women who have children know that was the choice they wanted to make. I just see it as why should I bring a child into the world if I know that is not what I want? I am not going to have a child just to "test the waters."
I guess the thing that is a bit annoying about it is that rarely does someone question someone's choice to have kids like they do for women who don't have kids. For example, I have often been asked, "When are you having kids?" or "Oh, you're not having any, why?" or "Give it time, you'll change your mind". But it would seem so rude if the situation were reversed and I said to someone who just had a child, "Why did you do that?" or "Sure, you're happy now, but give it time, you'll change your mind".
vampygirl
Well-known member
Very interesting subject.
I just turned 29 last week and am glad people have stopped asking me and my husband when we are going to have kids. I think it is sooo rude to ask that. To me, it just seems so personal!
At this point, neither of us are ready nor do we have the money saved for a child. And we don't ever know if we'll want a kid. Right now I do not look at kids and have an urge. Although for selfish reasons, I wonder what a mix of our DNA would look like!
To me, it's just a personal decision. Kids are not for everyone. I'd rather see people choose not to have kids, then to have them and be miserable. I've seen a few friends an acquaintances go through this.
I like kids, but at the same time, I do not take them home with me! That's why I like my kitties right now I guess.
I just turned 29 last week and am glad people have stopped asking me and my husband when we are going to have kids. I think it is sooo rude to ask that. To me, it just seems so personal!
At this point, neither of us are ready nor do we have the money saved for a child. And we don't ever know if we'll want a kid. Right now I do not look at kids and have an urge. Although for selfish reasons, I wonder what a mix of our DNA would look like!
To me, it's just a personal decision. Kids are not for everyone. I'd rather see people choose not to have kids, then to have them and be miserable. I've seen a few friends an acquaintances go through this.
I like kids, but at the same time, I do not take them home with me! That's why I like my kitties right now I guess.
