Children -- yay or nay?

[SkylarV217]

I think its amazing that people are so different =) . I guess I always thought all women had that desire .... I'm so glad that there are women that are able to stand up and say , Having children is not something they desire. We as a society are finally coming to a point that it's not Taboo for a women not to want children. A child does not make a women complete so many women feel like it will and are sorely disappointed or resentful when the child doesn't fulfill them. I think it's right for some and not for others . Some women were born to be Mommies while others were born to do other jobs and there is nothing wrong with that. =) Kudos to all !

 

[SkylarV217]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beauty Mark Even though I don't want children, in some cases, it is almost impossible to find a doctor who will tie your tubes at my age (22). My friend practically had to beg hers in order to perform the procedure, and she had a fairly compelling case (going blind completely, no job, two kids with two different fathers, both fathers in jail). I mean, I'm on the pill and take it religiously and on time, but it still isn't 100% effective

I agree that is ridiculous My friend had two boys and since she was only 20 they refused to tie her tubes. It's like they think since you are young you don't know what you want. I believe that a Doctor should be there to help the patient and not force them into lifestyle they don't want .

 

[SkylarV217]

Once again ;-) I don't think I ever answered as to which way I lean. I have a 2 year old and am finishing up my degree, After I get my bachelors My DH will be finishing with his masters and will b/c an officer/ air force engineer. At that point in time I want to Have 2 or 3 more kids and become and Homemaker. I do feel it is important for homemakers to have a degree and something to fall back on if necessary ( I love my DH, but must be realistic ) =) A Ladies got to be able to take care of her and her own if needed.

 

[Beauty Mark]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SkylarV217 I agree that is ridiculous My friend had two boys and since she was only 20 they refused to tie her tubes. It's like they think since you are young you don't know what you want. I believe that a Doctor should be there to help the patient and not force them into lifestyle they don't want .

I sort of see their point (some women do change their minds once they get older), but at the same time, doctors agree to do lots of procedures on young people. A nose job may not ruin your fertility but it can completely change your face and seems to be fairly irreversible.

I agree that it is becoming more comfortable for women to say that they don't want children, but we still have a long way to go. It wasn't that long ago that Jennifer Aniston was condemned for not "giving" Brad Pitt a baby.

 

[M.A.C. head.]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SkylarV217 Once again ;-) I don't think I ever answered as to which way I lean. I have a 2 year old and am finishing up my degree, After I get my bachelors My DH will be finishing with his masters and will b/c an officer/ air force engineer. At that point in time I want to Have 2 or 3 more kids and become and Homemaker. I do feel it is important for homemakers to have a degree and something to fall back on if necessary ( I love my DH, but must be realistic ) =) A Ladies got to be able to take care of her and her own if needed.

This is a really cool and interesting perspective. Though a degree shouldn't be the only option, certification, vocational training; something along those lines.

But I like your general idea. I went to college as well, but I was a homemaker until just recently [I work part time]. I spent the first year of my daughter's life at home with her while my DH worked. When my children are older I'll probably go back for another degree, work for a while and save, then stay at home.

 

[KittieSparkles]

Since early on I knew I did not want any children. My family always said that I will change my mind when I got older. Now I am older and I am more adamant then ever not to have any.

I am one of those people that believe that just because you can reproduce or you want a kid does not mean that you should have one.

I truly believe that I am one of those people that should not reproduce. The life decisions that I have made for myself are not “kid friendly”. Now the thing is that most of my family call me selfish for not having children because I do not want to alter my lifestyle but I believe that not only will it be selfish of me to bring a child into this world when I know I cannot give him/her 100% of me it will also be unfair to that child.

Aside from that, there is no reason for me to have children. I do not need to carry on the family name (I wouldn’t even if I had a child since the child most likely will carry the father’s last name), My parents do not need grandchildren from me; they have 7 other children that have given them a total of 9 grandchildren and counting, and the population is not dwindling so my offspring is not needed to save the human race.

If I did want children or if I ever change my mind (yeah, right) I would adopt before anything else.

 

[KikiB]

Oh when I was a little girl I always thought that I wanted kids.

That changed pretty damn fast. It was very early on in my teenage years when I realized that I do not want kids at all. Now I am 20 and I am more adamant than ever about not wanting kids. People say that it is selfish, or that I will want them in 5 years or 10 years. HELL NO. I want to get my tubes tied so badly but it just hurts that there probably is not a doctor out there who will do it based on my age. But there are several reasons why I do not want kids:

a) I have no patience. I was a bad kid growing up (according to my parents) and I get angry very easily. I do not want to be a bad parent. I could never deal with the bottles, the baby food, the diapers, etc...a lot of that stuff absolutely disgusts me. Whenever I see or smell baby food, it makes me throw up in my mouth a little.

b) I value a bit of independence. Yes, I am desperate enough for a relationship that I'll pay a guy to be my boyfriend, but at the same time kids tie you down like nothing else. They would be a huge burden on someone like me, not only emotionally but financially as well. Let's just say I live in an area where it's very expensive to live, especially for a family...Call it selfish but I would rather use the money to travel, donate to charity, and build a house, among other things.

c) My family has so many health problems-a few cancers, diabetes, heart disease, vision stuff (it skipped me THANK GOD), depression, you name it. I do not want to pass any of them on.

However I am very open to the idea of adopting, but I would have to be truly financially stable...and I would adopt a teenager or young teen. I know that my brother has no interest in having kids (and I doubt he'll marry; he doesn't care about girls) but I refuse to change my name if I get married (it's against my morals) so the family name will live on.

 

[iheartcolor]

Quote:

Originally Posted by M.A.C. head. It's hard for me to understand why a woman wouldn't want to have children but everyone has their own life to live. I just hope that they have their tubes tied so that they won't get pregnant. Children being aborted or coming into this world unwanted is very sad.

Not every unplanned pregnancy ends in abortion or "giving the unwanted kid away".

For some people, that unplanned baby is the greatest thing they have ever known.

Not everyone who says they do not desire children should be sterilized.

-Lauren

 

[concertina]

Absolutely NOT! I am 100% Childfree.

Don't really like kids, certainly don't want them. The reasons are varied for me.

Global warming, overpopulation, I like spending time with my husband, I like our intimacy and having sex with the door open, I like spoiling my husband, my dog and myself, and perhaps the greatest thing is that I was 10 when my brother was born. I've changed diapers, I've fed, clothed, played with, disciplined, gotten up in the night, dealt with tantrums, etc. I've done it and I have no desire to do it again.

In my opinion, I'm not the selfish one...people bringing more life onto this overpopulated earth are the selfish ones...

 

[S.S.BlackOrchid]

Nay for me. I don't want to pass my illnesses down to my kids and make them have to suffer.

I wish I could be sterilized. I think it's stupid. It's my body so I can get pregnant and then abort, but I can't prevent pregnancy by getting myself sterilized.

 

[duckduck]

Quote:

Originally Posted by S.S.BlackOrchid Nay for me. I don't want to pass my illnesses down to my kids and make them have to suffer. I wish I could be sterilized. I think it's stupid. It's my body so I can get pregnant and then abort, but I can't prevent pregnancy by getting myself sterilized.

Actually, I have a friend who at 23 years old was able to get sterilized. They are really against doing the procedure on anyone who is young and hasn't had children yet. I think it is like Mac_Whore said - many people seem to believe that having children is a given and that all you need is to be convinced into doing it and you will find that you love it. Well, children really really weren't for her, so she convinced her psychologist that she was bipolar (which I don't believe is actually true). Since being bipolar is a genetic disorder that is passed onto children, she was able to find a doctor willing to do the surgery. Apparently "I as an adult have made a careful and conscientious decision about my life" is not sufficient reasoning.

 

[M.A.C. head.]

Quote:

Originally Posted by iheartcolor Not every unplanned pregnancy ends in abortion or "giving the unwanted kid away". For some people, that unplanned baby is the greatest thing they have ever known. Not everyone who says they do not desire children should be sterilized. -Lauren

Um, for women who absolutely don't want kids, it DOES mean abortion or "giving the unwanted kid away". Unless they want to keep the child just to make it feel unwanted and abuse it...but let's not go there.

And, yes, they should be sterilized/have their tubes tied, or whatever method they choose so that they don't become pregnant.

It's simple, really.

 

[purrtykitty]

Quote:

Originally Posted by S.S.BlackOrchid Nay for me. I don't want to pass my illnesses down to my kids and make them have to suffer. I wish I could be sterilized. I think it's stupid. It's my body so I can get pregnant and then abort, but I can't prevent pregnancy by getting myself sterilized.

Quote:

Originally Posted by duckduck Actually, I have a friend who at 23 years old was able to get sterilized. They are really against doing the procedure on anyone who is young and hasn't had children yet. I think it is like Mac_Whore said - many people seem to believe that having children is a given and that all you need is to be convinced into doing it and you will find that you love it. Well, children really really weren't for her, so she convinced her psychologist that she was bipolar (which I don't believe is actually true). Since being bipolar is a genetic disorder that is passed onto children, she was able to find a doctor willing to do the surgery. Apparently "I as an adult have made a careful and conscientious decision about my life" is not sufficient reasoning.

That just seems ridiculously ass backwards. It's really sad that abortion seems OK in people's eyes when the possibility of an unhealthy baby is at issue, but the fact that the pregnancy could have been prevented in the first place by sterilization, well, it just seems more wrong to me (and I'm not necessarily pro-life v. pro-choice, I lie somewhere inbetween). If the Supreme Court currently says women have ultimate reproductive rights, then that should also apply to the right of sterilization. /end rant

As for me...I'm currently not sure whether I want children, yet. I'm in a very selfish stage in my life, and my husband and I simply aren't ready. That's not to say I may not be ready at some point, but right now the only kind of mother I like being is a mother to my kitties.

 

[xxManBeaterxx]

I didnt want children at first, i was hoping to spend the rest of my life selfishly and traveling and spending the money on me and my husband instead of 3 kids. But at like 20 i had an unplanned pregnancy and tada! I insta fell in love with her, i had morning sickness for the first 5 months and all i thought about was how much i was going to ground her for the rest of her life for doing this to me lol... Having her makes life more meaningful to me.... Kids are definately one of the tougest challege you'll ever go through in life.

 

[ZoeKat]

Nay. Neither my fiance nor I like children or want children. We have plans for how we want our life together to be, and it doesn't include children. A child would actually hinder some of our goals.

I actually work with both children and adults, and I enjoy it. But there's something about the way in which I work with children and the role I have with them (as their therapist). I can't stand them in any other context. Although I enjoy my work, working with children has actually enforced my decision to not have kids.

I am an only child with no cousins, so I face a lot of pressure from my family to have kids. It's a really difficult situation because I don't see that as my problem. My parents wanting grandchildren is not a reason for me to procreate. I'm sure it hurts them, but it's my life.

It's hard for me to think of concrete reasons. I just don't like babies or children. I've never been one to ooh and aah over a baby. I think when I saw Suri Cruise's picture on TV or in magazine was the first time I ever thought a baby was cute. I have a really strong maternal instinct when it comes to dogs and that's it.

I wanted to respond because I really appreciate the overall tone of this post. Too many times have I encountered someone who thinks there's something wrong with me because I don't want kids. I don't appreciate being told that it's my "duty" or my "job" to have kids because I'm a woman. I've even met people who have commented that my fiance and I have no business getting married because "there's no point" and marriage is what you do when you're going to start a family. To me, my husband + me = a family.

 

[AlliSwan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZoeKat Nay. Neither my fiance nor I like children or want children. We have plans for how we want our life together to be, and it doesn't include children. A child would actually hinder some of our goals. I actually work with both children and adults, and I enjoy it. But there's something about the way in which I work with children and the role I have with them (as their therapist). I can't stand them in any other context. Although I enjoy my work, working with children has actually enforced my decision to not have kids. I am an only child with no cousins, so I face a lot of pressure from my family to have kids. It's a really difficult situation because I don't see that as my problem. My parents wanting grandchildren is not a reason for me to procreate. I'm sure it hurts them, but it's my life. It's hard for me to think of concrete reasons. I just don't like babies or children. I've never been one to ooh and aah over a baby. I think when I saw Suri Cruise's picture on TV or in magazine was the first time I ever thought a baby was cute. I have a really strong maternal instinct when it comes to dogs and that's it. I wanted to respond because I really appreciate the overall tone of this post. Too many times have I encountered someone who thinks there's something wrong with me because I don't want kids. I don't appreciate being told that it's my "duty" or my "job" to have kids because I'm a woman. I've even met people who have commented that my fiance and I have no business getting married because "there's no point" and marriage is what you do when you're going to start a family. To me, my husband + me = a family.

I had to quote your whole post because it sums up all of my thoughts about children in a concise and eloquent manner. Thank you for making me feel like there are people out there like myself!

 

[PolyphonicLove]

Beau and I are all for birthing and adopting. After marriage, I'd like to focus on the beau for a few years, and then take the plunge - you know, once we're financially stable. I didn't really want to have more than 2, but I'd like to adopt a third [maybe a 4th, if I was high enough]. My mum cannot have children, and adopted my little brother Kaydon and gave him a brand new lease on life, and I'd love to do that for another little one.

 

[SmileyfacedPen]

The only reason I ever thought I would have children was because, when I was very small, that's what I thought happened. By that, I mean that I thought you just... grow up, get married, and have children. I thought this around the same time my dad had to verrry patiently explain that no, in fact, we could not just drive to France to get mom a present the day before her birthday. I promise, I have since improved my intelligence

I never wanted to babysit or anything either. I do volunteer work, helping people with disabilities ride horses, and I work with a lot of children through that. I absolutely adore most of the kids I work with. My cousin's daughter is pretty much one of my favorite people in the world, and she'll be five soon. Why, just last week, I held a baby! So no, I don't hate kids. When they're quiet and well-behaved, and I can give them back, I get along very well with kids.

A lot of people do try to convince me to change my mind, but they usually only start that when they find out that I don't want to get married. Usually, they say "But you were a kid once!!!" Was I? Really? I didn't know that! When my dad was alive, he really didn't like loud, obnoxious children, and my mother still doesn't, so I can confidently say that I was a quiet, well-behaved, courteous child.

I think it's great if other people want to have children. More people have to come from somewhere, right? And maybe in a few generations, everyone will care about the world more, so it will be a great place for ALL the world's inhabitants to live. Obviously, when you go out in public, you're going to see what seems like a lot of loud, bratty children, because the loudest members of a group always seem to be the ones you see more of. I have confidence that the vast majority of parents are raising their children to be excellent people.

Plus, I mean, I just like spending money on myself. Yes, it's selfish, but selfish does not always equal bad!

 

[keirii]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZoeKat Too many times have I encountered someone who thinks there's something wrong with me because I don't want kids. I don't appreciate being told that it's my "duty" or my "job" to have kids because I'm a woman.

THANK YOU. I am so tired of this, "Whaaat? You don't want BAAABIES? But you're a woman! It's your instinct!" I even got this from my own bf. Blaaaahhh.

Holy junk. Sister, no. My instinct is to stay as far away from the things as possible. I don't like babies, I don't even think they're cute

To doom a baby to have to live with me for the rest of its adolescent years would be inhumane. "It's STILL crying? Didn't it get the Puppy Chow I put on the floor for it?" No one wants that.

I wonder if this sounded too harsh

 

[PolyphonicLove]

Quote:

Originally Posted by keirii THANK YOU. I am so tired of this, "Whaaat? You don't want BAAABIES? But you're a woman! It's your instinct!" I even got this from my own bf. Blaaaahhh. Holy junk. Sister, no. My instinct is to stay as far away from the things as possible. I don't like babies, I don't even think they're cute To doom a baby to have to live with me for the rest of its adolescent years would be inhumane. "It's STILL crying? Didn't it get the Puppy Chow I put on the floor for it?" No one wants that. I wonder if this sounded too harsh

LOL. Your post seriously made my night. Especially since I like Puppy Chow.
You know...Chex Mix, chocolate, peanut butter and powdered sugar all mixed up...its so numtastic. But I digress...n.n