Children -- yay or nay?

[Shimmer]

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Originally Posted by Pink Xenomorph This is a rather old thread, but for once I actually have something worthwhile to say here so forgive me for bumping it up. Children. Nay for me. This is not something I will grow out of. I'm twenty-two and so is my fiancee. She doesn't want kids either. Number one, I'm disabled. I have a connective tissue disorder called Ehlers-Danlos. My particular type is hypermobility, MEANING: all the muscles, tendons, cartilage, fat tissue, skin tissue and vascular tissues have a very weak consistency and they tear, dislocate, subluxate and break very easily. My geneticist tells me that I have one of the worst cases of hypermobility EDS that he's ever seen (go me). If I were to have a child 'the natural way', there's an eighty percent chance that I'd die in child-birth. I've been told that by both my geneticist and my former gyno. This does not upset me. I'm one of those odd women who cannot fucking STAND children. When I'm around them, my blood starts to boil, I unconciously bite the inside of my cheek from rage and I struggle like hell to control my temper. Particularly if the little demons run up to me and yank down on my hair (my hair hangs down to the insides of my knees) or yanks down on my corset strings that perpetually hang out the back of my shirt/dress/whatever (I have to wear a corset because of spinal instability. that and I adore the way they feel) I don't find children cute, amusing, lovable, or any other positive thing that other people do. I hate them. Part of this stems from the fact that my mum's a kindergarten teacher and because of that I was around kindergarteners all the time growing up. Even as a child, I hated children. I found them annoying, bratty, self-centered, loud, and useless. Yes I had friends in my own age-group, but not very many (that was due to the fact that I was the darkest kid at a private school, and because I was a girl who loved horror films). Now that I'm older I've found I hate a good deal of people my age and older as well. The other part of my hatred of children stems from my hatred of the human race. Yes there are some good things about humans, but considering that we've gang raped the planet and killed off so many animals when we're not killing and raping each other...well, forgive me if I don't want to create another human. Then, of course, there are the financial reasons. I don't want to care for another being for twenty plus years. That's what's happened to my mother. She adopted me with no knowledge that I had EDS because the woman who squirted me out didn't know she had EDS. I'm twenty-two and still living at home and my health's so bad that I'm a huge financial burden on her. My disability's helped some, but still...she's the only one in the family that can work--my dad's heart's so bad he can barely move some days--and sometimes I feel like I'm causing her to work herself to death simply so I'll be able to stay a dependent on her insurance. I guilt like fuck about that because my dad and I hate each other, but my mum and I are majorly, uberly close. I love her so much and I hate the fact that I'm the reason she can't retire yet. Back on topic. I'd much rather pursue my own happiness and that of my wife. She loves Indian and Hindi clothing as well as MAC and other cosmetic lines, so I've been buying her the beginnings of her own collection as she currently lives out in the country in Australia. I myself love finely made expensive as hell lingerie like Agent Provocateur and La Perla in addition to my love of rubber and latex clothing like Marquis sells and the fact that I want to start up a custom-made corset collection. Then there's my art. Acrylic, alcohol markers, watercolor, gouache, etc. Then there's H's aspirations of us starting our own special effects company. We have way too many endeavors that we'll gladly put in front of children. My fiancee understands my revulsion of children--she shares the same attitudes. One of the reasons I'm marrying her. All the boyfriends I had in the past at one time wanted to talk to me about children. It didn't seem to matter to them that I hated them, would've been a terrible mother and probably would've left the kid and the husband altogether, oh no, they still pressured me to adopt a kid with them. Or fuck to have one, regardless that childbirth would kill me. Even if childbirth didn't kill me, there's a fifty-fifty chance that I'd curse my spawn with my EDS and as much as I hate kids, no kid should go through the chronic pain, dislocations and subluxations that I have to. And the stupid thing is that my siblings do, all because my birth-mother's a stupid uneducated irresponsible bitch! My mum adopted me when I was a few days old. I was born by a fourteen year old idiot who had a previous child by her boyfriend. She gave me up for adoption and then got pregnant four more times. Jesus Christ, just fucking shoot me. There's a good chance that my siblings, wherever they may be now, are half if not all afflicted with EDS syndrome thanks to my bitch of a birth-mother. Honestly, is it that hard to tell your boyfriend, "No, I'm not gonna fuck you. I've had six kids, goddammit! You want sex, go get a whore!" This is not to say I'm devoid of a maternal instinct. I actually have a very strong one. It's gone toward nurturing animals in need. I used to be a squirrel rehabilitator and me and my mum took in baby squirrels that fell from their nests and had nowhere to go. (some people have an undying hatred of squirrels. I have an undying hatred of children. I mother squirrels, others mother kids. to each their own I guess.) How I loved caring for them....feeding them their milk wrapped up in my lap, holding them till they fell asleep, playing with them, and then releasing them out in our backyard. If you go outside in our backyard, about ten squirrels will jump down from trees to say hello, purring and jumping with happiness (and yes, squirrels do purr when happy. it's louder and a bit deeper than a cat's purr). Because I'm more disabled than I used to be I had to quit rehabbing and it about broke my heart. Mum got me several rats to help with my loneliness and now I spoil them rotten. I'm planning on getting a Gambian Pouch Rat when my standard fancy rats have finally passed away. I'm a rodent person. Show me a hairless, eyes-closed baby rat or baby squirrel and I'll squee and go all melty and maternal on you. Show me a human baby and I'll flinch back and insist that no, it's okay, I really don't want to hold it, it's all good. really. I don't like children. I never will. And I'm disabled to the point where adopting a child would be incredibly abusive because I wouldn't be able to care for it and neither would my soon-to-be wife. She's disabled as well, spinal instability and her skin burns severely with the slightest exposure to the sun, the exact name of the disorder escapes me at the moment. So the maternal stirrings we have result in rats, rabbits, guinea pigs, flying squirrels and the occasional cat. We're happy like that, too. We adore our little animal-kids. It does, however, piss me off when people tell us that if we love our animals we'll just adore a child, that oh you're young you'll change your minds and, of course my all-time favorite, 'all women love children!'. Thank you for the moralizing, jackasses, but I think we know our own minds. And we're happily childfree. I still can't figure out how or why that upsets people so greatly. Why the fuck would anyone want me to reproduce? Do you want a child to suffer with EDS? I'll tell people that during children-rearing debates and some will come back with, "Yeah, but there's a chance it wouldn't get your disease!" I'll answer, "You'd have me take that fifty-fifty chance of giving a kid a degenerative connective tissue disease?" More often than not, they'll say that they absolutely would want me to go for it. I think that's all my reasonings for wanting no children, ever. If I've left out any words or misspelled any, you have my apologies.

Just so you know, children aren't monsters.
They're (usually) not malicious creatures.
Yes, they can be brats.
Yes, they can and do cause damage to those around them, and no, I'm not excusing that, but...
children aren't cullheadedclovehoovedforkedtail monsters. YOU were a child one day, and had everyone responded to you the way you say you respond to children, that could very well have ended quite badly for you.
I'm not trying to get you to change your mind because God knows, I don't believe in having children unless you want them, but your post sounds really angry, and sounds like it's directed at people who truly don't deserve that anger.
Angry because kids run around screaming?
They haven't been taught better and honestly, instinctively, that's what children do. Blame the parents.
Angry because they run up to you and pull on your hair and clothes?
Blame the parents not the child, because without the parent to teach him/her, the child knows no better.

Ultimately the blame doesn't fall on the 6 or 7 or 8 year old child, or even the 9-14 year old child...it falls on the parents to raise a child to be a productive helpful and wholly positive member of society.


Sadly enough, those types of parents are the minority.

And, fyi, after having children I found out that there's a good chance I could/will develop Huntington's Disease (thanks guys, a little late now...). Had I known, I wouldn't have done it...so no, I can't see why, given your condition, anyone would suggest that having a child is a viable option for you.

 

[Pink Xenomorph]

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Originally Posted by Shimmer Just so you know, children aren't monsters. They're (usually) not malicious creatures. Yes, they can be brats. Yes, they can and do cause damage to those around them, and no, I'm not excusing that, but... children aren't cullheadedclovehoovedforkedtail monsters. YOU were a child one day, and had everyone responded to you the way you say you respond to children, that could very well have ended quite badly for you.

Oh, I'm not angry at anyone. If you want to have kids, that's fine. I honestly don't care. But since this thread asked why we either did or did not want to have kids, I wrote out why I don't want to have kids. I honestly can't stand the majority of children. There have been a rare few that I've encountered and genuinely liked, but there haven't been many. And even as a child myself I didn't like children. Like I said, part of that comes from having been around them non-stop throughout my own childhood because my mum was and is a kindergarten teacher.

And yes I was a child once. But I never ran around, screamed, threw tantrums, or acted like a bratty little demon. There was my first year of life that mum said I cried nonstop, and she believes it was because I was in constant pain due to dislocations (my shoulders and hips dislocated as an infant). But aside from that, I usually just read books, did my artwork, cared for our pets or went outside to play with bugs. There were occasions that I did act terribly but when I did my mum corrected me, explained what I was doing wrong and just why it was wrong and why I should never do it again, and thus I never did it again. My mum said I was 'born old' because I never really did act like a child. I was just quiet and reserved and kept to myself.

And honestly, I don't 'respond to children' the way I've written my post. I just do my best to ignore them. If someone wants me to hold their baby I'll politely refuse, telling them my elbows and shoulders are weak and prone to dislocations but thank you for offering. I'm as polite and cordial as I possibly can be because despite the sardonic and annoyed tone of my post, I'm only a jackassy cunt to people who are first jackassy cunts to me.

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Originally Posted by Shimmer I'm not trying to get you to change your mind because God knows, I don't believe in having children unless you want them, but your post sounds really angry, and sounds like it's directed at people who truly don't deserve that anger. Angry because kids run around screaming? They haven't been taught better and honestly, instinctively, that's what children do. Blame the parents. Angry because they run up to you and pull on your hair and clothes? Blame the parents not the child, because without the parent to teach him/her, the child knows no better.

Again, I'm not angry at anyone. I don't scream or curse at kids who come up and yank on me. I do blame the parents. The parents who pull their kids away and tell them never to do that again and go apologize this instant I have no problem with. I'll accept the apology the kid gives me and that'll be the end. But the parents who just let their kids get away with it absolutely hears about it from me. But I never scream at the kid. As a child I was screamed at by adults for accidentally bumping into their leg in line at the store or for something equally trivial and I remember how mortifying/frightening/infuriating it was and as much as I hate kids, I'm not going to traumatize it for life.

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Originally Posted by Shimmer Ultimately the blame doesn't fall on the 6 or 7 or 8 year old child, or even the 9-14 year old child...it falls on the parents to raise a child to be a productive helpful and wholly positive member of society.

I absolutely agree with that. Good parenting is everything. What distresses me is that the kids that're in my mum's kindergarten class have been getting progressively worse because their parents spoil them rotten and don't discipline them for anything. This has been happening for the...oh, last four years, I'd say. Mum teaches at the same private school I attended from kindergarten through eighth grade and she usually talks to me about her class. She knows I adore hearing about the creative kids and sometimes I'll go up to the school to meet the ones with huge artistic potential (like this girl she had this year. good god that kid has a better sense of color theory than most people in my high-school I.B. art classes did). Aside from that little girl and a few other kids, the rest of her class were a bunch of self-centered, prone-to-violence, tantrum-throwing Lovecraftian horrors simply because their parents didn't do anything other than spoil them rotten and set them in front of the TV. Lord knows I couldn't have gotten away acting like these kids did, otherwise mum would've spanked the hell outta me and I would've deserved it! I honestly don't understand this new parenting trend of not actually parenting and raising your child!

(these kids are considerably more well-behaved because mum didn't put up with any of their crap that worked on their parents, but good lord. it's sad when the teachers actually have to parent their students.)

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Originally Posted by Shimmer And, fyi, after having children I found out that there's a good chance I could/will develop Huntington's Disease (thanks guys, a little late now...). Had I known, I wouldn't have done it...so no, I can't see why, given your condition, anyone would suggest that having a child is a viable option for you.

It sucks to hear about your potential Huntington's diagnosis. I hope none of your kids are diagnosed with it later on down the line.

But I can tell you why people often argue with me on why I should have kids 'the natural way' should I ever want them: it's because I don't look disabled.

If you look at me, you just see a Hispanic girl in blue-violet lipstick with a ponytail that hangs down past her ass with a purse that looks like a side of beef. From outward appearances, there's absolutely no way to tell that I'm disabled unless you happen to be there when my hip decides to dislocate or I have to snap my elbows back into place. Even then it just looks like I'm stretching or I fell over something. Unless people have grown up with me, know me extremely well through other means, or live with me, there's no way to tell how disabled I actually am. It was hell getting me on disability for that very reason. I went to the government-appointed evaluation doctors and they took one look at me and said, "Oh, you're not disabled! NEXT!" I had to make them take x-rays of my spine before they finally believed me.

Finally, as for the tone of this post...what you have to understand is by nature I'm a fairly sardonic, dark-humored and sometimes bitter person. I was sarcastic and dark-humored before my body fell apart--I got the odd sense of humor from my mum and the gift of sarcasm from my grandma and my uncle. Then when puberty hit and my body said, "oh hay i quit", that's when the bitterness developed. Living with chronic pain'll do that to ya. Nearly everything I write has a sardonic tone to it, even if I'm in a good happy bouncy jovial mood. But this post wasn't an attack on anyone.

There's only one person I'm angry with, and that's my birth mother because she had six children and therefore it's highly likely that half or more of those kids have to deal with the same EDS bullshit that I have. It's irresponsible and infuriating. And I don't want to hear "oh well maybe she didn't know!" because I know for a fact that she knew something was wrong with her. In the small dossier I have on her it said that she dealt with spinal pain and hip dislocations and no doctor had ever been able to figure out why. I also have a photograph of her. In it, she's holding my older brother with one arm and her other arm is held out toward the camera. She has the same ninety degree hyperextention in her arm that I do.

Do I like kids? No. Do I hate them? Ninety percent of the time, yes. Does my fiancee? Yes. Do we treat them like demons that should be exorcised from the face of the planet? Fuck no. My mum raised me to treat others with courtesy and respect and despite my loathing of kids, I treat them respectfully even if they do things like yank the hair out of my head or run up and kick my knee-high boots to see if I'm able to feel it through the leather (three year olds in particular seem to be fond of doing that). The only time I bitch is if the parents let them get away with hurting me like it doesn't matter. But I never bitch to the kids themselves, just at their keepers. Otherwise I just bite the inside of my cheek and mutter to myself in my brain.

Thank you, though, for giving me a civil reply instead of "OMG YOU BITCH HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE KIDS GODDAMMIT" like so many other people do whenever this particular topic comes up. Hell, I can just say, "I don't like kids and me and my wife don't want any" instead of going into a huge essay like I did here and people will still insist I'm some sort of a nazi gestapo cunt who's wasting her uterus. So thank you for the civilized reply.

 

[Shimmer]

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Originally Posted by Pink Xenomorph Thank you, though, for giving me a civil reply instead of "OMG YOU BITCH HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE KIDS GODDAMMIT" like so many other people do whenever this particular topic comes up. Hell, I can just say, "I don't like kids and me and my wife don't want any" instead of going into a huge essay like I did here and people will still insist I'm some sort of a nazi gestapo cunt who's wasting her uterus. So thank you for the civilized reply.

I completely understand sardonic and dark humor, mine is usually somewhat similar, but others reading your post may not have the same perspective I do, and might respond as you've mentioned others responding to you.

I can understand not liking kids, as honestly, I usually only like my own...over which I am extremely protective of the four of them. I also DEMAND proper manners and behaviour (i.e. when my five year old accompanies me to the MAC store, he is required to keep his hands in his pockets, not badger or annoy the MUAs, and not touch ANYTHING...as a result, I've taken him in several times and his behaviour has been complimented by every MuA who has come in contact with him, including the manager of the store.), which is apparently something other parents don't expect of their children.

I just didn't want any misunderstandings to arise, or posts submitted in the same vein as you've described.

 

[Pink Xenomorph]

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Originally Posted by Shimmer I completely understand sardonic and dark humor, mine is usually somewhat similar, but others reading your post may not have the same perspective I do, and might respond as you've mentioned others responding to you. I just didn't want any misunderstandings to arise, or posts submitted in the same vein as you've described.

Tis all good.

Hell, I actually like it when someone questions me and wants me to explain myself as it usually doesn't happen very often: usually people just go "OMG WHORE I HAET U" and that's the end of it. And that's usually fine with me, but since I'm new here it's probably not a good idea to infuriate the populous simply because I didn't think 'o hay they may find this offensive'. So thank you for looking out for my scatterbrained ass.

And after looking at your profile, might I say that you are one gorgeous woman!

 

[Beauty Mark]

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and am I wrong for finding Bill Gates attractive? oh the humanity!

I do, too

 

[Dark_Phoenix]

I want a big family (someday, when I'm married... but I want to marry young)!! Like, four or five children. I'm one of six and love being so-not-an-only-child. I can't explain it well... but I just love my five brothers, they're all awesome.

I think that I would like to spend more time at home than my mother has though, since I grew up with nannies when I was little and didn't see her around much (like until age 12 when I went to boarding school). She's making an effort to try and get to know us all better since she has to travel for buisness STILL.

Yeah... I do hate other people's children's manners though. Like, I STILL don't talk to adults (i.e. you have to be older than 30 for the to apply) unless they speak to me first. Just the whole "Children should be seen, not heard" mentality still needs to apply today.

EDIT: I would like to have genetic councelling though. My brother and I both have type III Von Willebrand's Disease (two clotting factors are not at all present in my blood, it's alot like hemophilia A except I have 2 factors missing instead of 1). It's genetically recessive, luckily, and very rare. None of my half brothers have it.

I've been way too sick all my life: internal bleeding from minor injuries, daily injections, weekly transfusions, unable to play contact sports, and joint damage from bleeding among other problems from vWD. I wouldn't want anyone to have to go through what I did if they didn't have to, it would be cruel.

 

[Shimmer]

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Originally Posted by Pink Xenomorph Tis all good. Hell, I actually like it when someone questions me and wants me to explain myself as it usually doesn't happen very often: usually people just go "OMG WHORE I HAET U" and that's the end of it. And that's usually fine with me, but since I'm new here it's probably not a good idea to infuriate the populous simply because I didn't think 'o hay they may find this offensive'. So thank you for looking out for my scatterbrained ass. And after looking at your profile, might I say that you are one gorgeous woman!

No worries if you infuriate, as long as the fury is presented well.
That's my take on it at least.


Thank you for the compliment!

 

[karen diggins]

you sound so bitter. Which you have every right to be but every child is different. I have a son that was born three months earliy and he is a lot of work. He spent the first year of his life in the hospital. He had so many things done to him to keep him alive and he is now 3 years old and a very happy kid. I love kids and want to have more!

Not to be mean but you sound like you want people to feel sorry for you. You have people in your life that love you and support you.
And without them were would you be?
Life is to short get out and enjoy it. Kids are smart and pick up on everyhing. Try smileing at a child and bet you they will be nice to you and not pull your hair.

 

[Pink Xenomorph]

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Originally Posted by karen diggins you sound so bitter. Which you have every right to be but every child is different. I have a son that was born three months earliy and he is a lot of work. He spent the first year of his life in the hospital. He had so many things done to him to keep him alive and he is now 3 years old and a very happy kid. I love kids and want to have more! Not to be mean but you sound like you want people to feel sorry for you. You have people in your life that love you and support you. And without them were would you be? Life is to short get out and enjoy it. Kids are smart and pick up on everyhing. Try smileing at a child and bet you they will be nice to you and not pull your hair.

Y'know, that's the thing about being disabled. You bring up the fact that you're disabled in a conversation that it actually has relavance in and people go, "OMG YOU JUST WANT SYMPATHY", which is what you're doing.

And if you go back and read my posts, you'll see that I describe myself as bitter. Because I am! I can't go to art school because my body doesn't work and my artistic skills have deteriorated because it's a lot harder to sit up and draw than it used to be.

But you have to understand I was a somber, sarcastic child way before my EDS kicked in. It's just how I am. And like I said, a lot of people (mostly women, now that I think about it) don't like that. Which is fine. I honestly could care less because I've got some fantastic close friends and a fiancee that's also my best friend. And without them I'd be where I am now: still at home with my parents and still happily watching horror films. I don't need a lot of human interaction to be happy. I'm usually my happiest playing with my rats and a movie like "The Incredible Melting Man" playing in the background.

And I usually don't smile at anyone when I'm out. I just do what I'm there to do and most of the time people leave me alone, which is nice. I only really get pissed off if parents let their kids get away with pulling the living blue fuck out of my hair like it's cute or something. Otherwise I don't care! But then again, I've already explained all this. Just like I've explained that I like certain kids on an individual-basis, like Girl Cream Girl who is awesome. So eh-- if you think I just want sympathy, go ahead and think that. I really should go give my rats their snack right about now.

Now for something completely unrelated: I'm not the only one who thinks Bill Gates is hot! Oh I can't wait to tell H; she'll rupture her spleen laughing.

(p.s. militant wholelistic boob-nazi parents frighten me to absolute death. a five year old kid still nursing on his mum's breasts is just strange in the worst way.)

 

[greentwig]

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Originally Posted by MAC_Whore I am of the age where most of our/my friends have kids, so my husband and I are in the minority. I have a related question for those of you that don't have kids or don't plan on having any... Do you notice that a lot of people try to talk you into having kids? Or ask you why you don't want to have children? Or they feel that it is so unnatural to not have kids that they assume it is a medical problem? I ask because that has happened to me a lot. Especially in the mid-late 20s. The worst persuasion/piece of "advice" someone gave me was: "How do you know you won't like having kids until you try it." Ummm... and if I don't like it, can I return the child for a refund? And I have to say that I hate it when people say its selfish to not have kids! Why is it selfish? Its not as if it is some duty that I am failing to fulfill. Its just a lifestyle choice.

This is so true I hate this.......no offense, but it's just annoying when people ask "why dont you want to have kids" it's just offensive, like we have to explain ourselves or something......we didnt do anything wrong lol. Well anyways I dont mean to make anyone mad. I'm sorry if I did.

My reason is pretty much exactly what your's is in your 1st post on this MAC_Whore.

 

[landonsmother]

kids are AWESOME!! in reality though, you'll never experience that feeling until you become a parent! i wasn't ready for kid but i got pregnant & i don't regret anything abou tit. watching my son grow up just amazes me more each day. i love hwo they develop their own personality, i love being called "mommy", i love him kissing me with his mouth full of drool, i love him waking me up telling me he wants to play. being a parent is PRICELESS! io love every single minute of being a mother to my handsome little 1 & 1/2 year old

 

[Bernadette]

For me children are a big nay. I just don't get it. To each their own though.

 

[Kuuipo]

I never had children,it's too late for me now,and I do not regret it at all. I love children!I love old people too. I've been a nurse for the last 17 years,and much of that time,I spent traveling,or getting more degrees. I came from a very abusive family,and I did not want to be anything like my mother. When I was growing up, there were not a lot of options for women,especially imigrants in the lower soci-economic strata. You grew up and got married and had kids. I wanted an education,I wanted to travel, I wanted to help others,etc. I joined the Army,I got out,I collected degrees,traveled,volunteered everywhere.Not a stable life to raise a child. I am still single and enjoy the freedom to work,volunteer in a homeless clinic,and believe it or not I volunteer with disadvantaged mothers with newborns. I feel that many people are my children. I am 45,and everyone's auntie. I may not look into a child's eyes and see my genetics,but with my family background,I do not want to be reminded. I love being a nurse,I get to nurture lots of people. I also like being able to volunteer. I had someone say to me that it was selfish that I didn't have children. It was coming from a woman who did not work,was married to an attorney,lived in a 8,000 sq. foot house with 3 housekeepers and a nanny. Her day of having her trainer come to her house,then going to have her hair or nails done,and shopping,and then out to dinner.She had only ever changed a diaper twice in her life,when I cross examined her. That is not being nurturing,that is selfish.She may be privaledged,lucky for her,but she's not bonding if someone else feeds baby,dresses baby,holds baby when baby cries,and changes baby's diaper.
A family is a commitment,its a hard decision.
At work, I took care of a mother of 12 babies,all had been taken away because she was using meth. She was barely over 30. This 12th baby,she may be able to keep if she can stay clean. She never made the commitment before to her babies,just to methamphetamine.
Babies are not an acessory. They are the next generation.They require careful planning. Many are just the result of unprotected sex and "i''ll deal with it later" attitudes.
The child will depend on you for the rest of their life for emotional support,if not physical or material things. That is a big investment. (Esp. in time)I certainly could not have made that investment,I never and still don't have financial stability,free time,etc to devote. Children need protection and supervision......

 

[x-ivy]

yay...i know i'm only 15 but i know for sure that i want to adopt..
right now i'm leaning to a chinese daughter, my mum said it's expensive though, i think it would be worth it, nothing is too much...

 

[kimmy]

i'm really kind of torn on the issue and i think it will end up ultimately being my future husband's choice. i think that kids are cute as all hell, but they make me a little nervous when i'm around them because i feel like i have to entertain them. however, i feel that as long as the child's father is in the picture, that stress will be relieved and i'd probably be pretty stoked about having kids. i guess i'm just kind of sketchy on the idea of kids because i don't want to be left alone with them. does that make any sense? haha.

 

[erynnj]

absolutely not, for several reasons. For one I am far too selfish, and for financial reasons and simply put, the thought of it makes me want to die and angers me to great extent. I just despise the idea of someone ruining my life and my finances. I just want nothing to do with it, I know there are many people in this world that love being parents and are great ones and I respect that but for me, I want nothing to do with it and I don't want to be bothered with the responsibility, I have goals in life and children would be in my way. On a positive note I love being an aunt!

 

[*KT*]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lara All the time. It annoys me more than being immediately written off as selfish or the almost mandatory 'I knew this women who didn't want children and then she realised her life sucked and had kids and now her life is complete/I didn't want children and then I changed my mind and now I'm over the moon and you will be too' stories, because it immediately assumes that I'm in some way defective and therefore an object of pity. I'm fine with my choices, please extend the courtesy to me not immediately write me off as a crazy person within earshot. On the flipside, I also understand that a lot of women haven't been exposed to the notion of actively choosing to not have children, and that's fine too - I'm happy to discuss it privately with anyone who wants to learn about it. Education dispells myths. Then again, I don't buy that having children is detrimental to feminism, as raised a couple of posts previously. Feminism gave you the choice to live your life as a fully-formed, rational, adult woman who is given the cognitive abilities to make your own choices and have them recognised as legit options, and part of that choice includes the option to reproduce in the manner you feel capable of, which includes the option to Duggar out 16 kids (although it's safe to say the patriarchy is firmly in control in that particular household) or to not have children at all. As long as you came to that descision yourself and not through the influence of others, then it's a descision that is supported by feminist ideals.

I'd like to give that a "Hell yeah!"

I'm one of those who always thought "One day, I'll want kids..." and it just never happened. I'm the friend who, when looking through your photo album, you don't see a picture of me holding the baby. Just no "oooh, ahhh, it's a BABY" urges.

I'm 30 and the hubby's 8 years older than me. Neither of us have any children, nor do we have any desire to. We love food and wine, love to travel, love our dogs. Most of the time it's boring (work, play, sleep, repeat), but it's blissfully so.

I work for an ophthalmology practice and have two coworkers (one who has twins and one who has quadruplets) who just can't seem to understand my choice. I get the "You'd make a great mother!" Hello, I just told you I don't want to be a mother, regardless of whether or not I'd be good at it.

It's a running joke between us that when they give me the "You've gotta be freakin' kidding me!" look whenever one of their kids comes up missing or calls 5 times in 3 minutes because he wants to know if she bought a used sebring (that he won't be able to drive for another two years) that I return their frazzled look with a "How crazy am I really?" look.

It's all about what makes each of us happy, and for some of us, that means being childfree and for others, it means raising children. I just come from that camp that would rather stay childfree, spoil my sweet malinois doggies, travel with the hubby, and buy my nephew the best noisy toys ever!

 

[*KT*]

This thread made me remember this article that was featured on the Today show last fall.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/HEALTH/condi...iew/index.html

 

[PMBG83]

Nay. I cant stand babies and kids. Screaming yelling or crying. Cant stand them or tolerate them and never will. I tried looking into getting my tubes tied but since Im so young Its like the standard or something that docters wont do it. Lots of women and girls my age are completely shocked when they find out I dont like kids and then IMMEDIATELY try to change my mind on it(why I dont know). Its always "oh youll change your mind", "oh one day when you meet that special guy you love and the best "oh no you have to your so pretty with all that gorgeous hair") LOL! Dont see what any of those have to do with anything. I have better things to spend my money and better things to comsume my time. Plus having to work b/c Im responsible for someone else's life other than my own, another human depending one me. Makes me shutter to think Id have to work a 60 hour work week just to spend it on some school supplies or high ass college tutiton. When my friends who have kids now are paying college tutiton driving insurance etc. Ill be spending my money on trips out of the country. I also have no real need or want to get marry either, which alot of girls my age and younger seem desperate to do.

 

[yummy411]

i would dream as a little girl that i would have kids, but as i got older i said no being selfish and that the world was just looking grim and ugly........ then it "happened" i was preggers and while i was not happy to begin with, it has been the most amazing experience ever. i feel like i'm living for my child. otherwise i don't have much motivation. i'm learning to remember me, or at least not feel guilty for considering myself, but i love every day that i see my son, hear his voice, listen to the new things he'll say. he's 3 now and it's the best age so far. i love him so much. God has truly blessed me!