[deleted]

[kimmy]

Re: Getting approached by guys??

like shimmer said, a smiling girl is alot easier to approach than a shy girl. shyness shows a lack of confidence. i'm sure you've got plenty of attributes to be proud of.

when i was younger, i never got asked out because i was completely unapproachable. as i got older, i got a better handle on my life and learned that the world wasn't as grim and cruel as i thought, and i started smiling more...and these days, i'm smiling ninety percent of the time because i figure there's no point to being pissed off all the time. it seems like i approached quite often these days.

 

[PMBG83]

Re: Getting approached by guys??

Quote:

Originally Posted by ndn-ista Hahaha...yes I used to get approached a lot more in my younger, thinner days. I've always been the one that got approached first within my girls etc, of course I never took it to my head (at least I hope I never did!) But now, I am like fuck it, Im going to wear that top that is slightly tight and shows some of my rolls....whateva! lol...a few of my guys friends have told me...."so your not that bad once I got to know you." I also think that its because I don't really pay any mind to other people, and just think in my own world, don't really smile and try to make causal eye contact, unless I am spoken to. I have been told that I give up that bitchy, intimidating vibe. Plus, thats just me with my guard up. If the guy actually took the time to get to know me, he will know the real deal. I think it has a lot to do of being constantly hurt by guys being interseted in me and then I get hurt cause they end up being assholes. Plus, me ex that which was my first love, used to tell me that he doesn't find me attractive in his eyes and this and that. So now, I am like eh whateva, I don't need to try, if the guy really really wants to talk to me, he will make the move. Not such a optimistic way of thinking, but it works for me!

oh so true! the only ones that use to (or still do now) may come up to me are much older ugly guys. now the younger cuter guys back in the day I noticed that if i acted interested in them theyd totally get scared and freak out "like omg the fat chick likes me". so as weird as it was to do and as stupid and backass-wards as guys are, if i acted like i couldnt stand them and hated them even, THEN they didnt mind talking to meb/c then they knew there was no chance of me liking them. hell I know times where I didnt like him but I was just being friendly (b/c it was part of my job as customer service). This guy came into the store I was working at the time. he walks past the counter smiling, I smile back and he gives me the dirtiest look. Im like "huh", later he told a woman that worked there (his mom) that he was smiling at this cute blonde at the counter front and was trying to get HER attention

(later she totally burned him though). Now although no guys wanted to date me as weird as it was they ALL wanted to have sex with me. Which I could just never ever comprehend(if you feel disgusted by someone enough not to want to date them or be seen in public with them then how do you get over the thought of have skin to skin bodily parts inserted into other bodily parts scenario). Im talking model athlete looking dudes,that would never ever consider going out with me much less dating. maybe they thought I had low self esteem or something and Id be appreciative of them showing me some attention that id do anything for them.all though I didnt act like i did or that particular way. oh well any Im just like F-it too. I dont care what dudes think ive got other things to think about.

 

[Ms.Amaranthine]

Re: Getting approached by guys??

Never. I've maybe been approached twice. One guy was considerably older and asked for my number and the other literally said this, "You'd be good for a fuck or two, but I would never date you. Wanna hook up some time?".

Yeah. Thanks.

I've been told that I am intimidating. Both in appearance and intellectually. I don't believe that. I don't see it et al. Men will smile at me, but they don't talk to me. I smile back. Maybe it's because I'm very shy that I seem unapproachable. I don't know. I'm engaged now, so I guess it doesn't matter much anymore. I live in a small town and have mostly dated online. It's the only way I could find somebody that I connected with. My boyfriend and I are living proof that it works. Have you ever tried that yourself? The great thing about finding somebody online is that you, more often than not, connect on an emotional/intellectual level than a physical one.

I don't know what it is that makes all of us girls seem so unapproachable. When I went out, it was always my more scantily clad friend that got hit on instead of the rest of us. Maybe the way she dressed let guys know she was looking or something. I have no idea. It wasn't that she smiled any more than the other girls, or that she was any more pleasant, because she wasn't. She was a rather mean tart sometimes. I suppose the only thing I have to say that could be considered advice is this; Where you look for a man will dictate the type of man you find. And who finds you. My friends always wonder why they end up with assholes hitting on them that only want some and I think it's because of where they look and the type of man they're looking for. Being assertive and going after what you want is probably more important than who comes looking for you.

Sorry that I'm not really any help. The male mind confuses me to pieces. They're about as predictable as the winning lottery numbers.

My boyfriend said this when he saw me reading this thread: What women don't realize is that men are usually just as shy as women when it comes to approaching the opposite sex. Some of the best men are the ones that just don't know what to say or how to say it, so it should be as much the responsibility of a woman as it is a man to approach and initiate conversation. I've noticed that the younger men that come onto women are usually the ones that just want some ass.

 

[pinkhandgrenade]

Re: Getting approached by guys??

Girls LOVE me (lesbians) Gay boys LOVE me. Creepy old men LOVE me. I get no love from normal guys.

:

:

 

[luvsic]

Re: Getting approached by guys??

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ms.Amaranthine Never. I've maybe been approached twice. One guy was considerably older and asked for my number and the other literally said this, "You'd be good for a fuck or two, but I would never date you. Wanna hook up some time?". Yeah. Thanks. I've been told that I am intimidating. Both in appearance and intellectually. I don't believe that. I don't see it et al. Men will smile at me, but they don't talk to me. I smile back. Maybe it's because I'm very shy that I seem unapproachable. I don't know. I'm engaged now, so I guess it doesn't matter much anymore. I live in a small town and have mostly dated online. It's the only way I could find somebody that I connected with. My boyfriend and I are living proof that it works. Have you ever tried that yourself? The great thing about finding somebody online is that you, more often than not, connect on an emotional/intellectual level than a physical one. I don't know what it is that makes all of us girls seem so unapproachable. When I went out, it was always my more scantily clad friend that got hit on instead of the rest of us. Maybe the way she dressed let guys know she was looking or something. I have no idea. It wasn't that she smiled any more than the other girls, or that she was any more pleasant, because she wasn't. She was a rather mean tart sometimes. I suppose the only thing I have to say that could be considered advice is this; Where you look for a man will dictate the type of man you find. And who finds you. My friends always wonder why they end up with assholes hitting on them that only want some and I think it's because of where they look and the type of man they're looking for. Being assertive and going after what you want is probably more important than who comes looking for you. Sorry that I'm not really any help. The male mind confuses me to pieces. They're about as predictable as the winning lottery numbers. My boyfriend said this when he saw me reading this thread: What women don't realize is that men are usually just as shy as women when it comes to approaching the opposite sex. Some of the best men are the ones that just don't know what to say or how to say it, so it should be as much the responsibility of a woman as it is a man to approach and initiate conversation. I've noticed that the younger men that come onto women are usually the ones that just want some ass.

I can't believe someone would say that to you. I would want to smack 'em good in the face and walk away.

I agree with you about where you look for a man is what type of man you'll get. And sometimes I do approach, but other times I'm so afraid to do it that I just end of smiling or not even looking in a guy's direction.

ON another note, When I do approach and make friends with a guy (but I just want to be friends), I feel like he always starts to like me but I don't want to become anything more than friends. In the least bit. And believe me, I've tried to say "oh, maybe I'll give him a chance" before, but it's never worked because it all boils down to me realizing that I really, REALLY can't imagine us being more than friends...and then the relationship between us ends up really screwy (we're not good friends anymore. Just awkward.) Then the ones I want are all taken or not interested.

When I do the approaching to a guy I'm interested in, he never seems to show interest back. Or we chat for a brief moment, but it's like he never keeps his interest.

And pinkhandgrenade, I know the feeling. Usually it's the creepy older men who take interest.

And PMBG...omg. That happens to me too. I think a cute guy is staring and I smile at him and he either frowns, gives me a dirty look, or looks away. Sheesh!

 

[PMBG83]

Re: Getting approached by guys??

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ms.Amaranthine Never. I've maybe been approached twice. One guy was considerably older and asked for my number and the other literally said this, "You'd be good for a fuck or two, but I would never date you. Wanna hook up some time?".

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ms.Amaranthine

Love the back-ass-ended "compliments". Yeah I really wanna give you the time a day now.........not. If anything now I just want to pour draino down your miserable throat. I mean damn at least be smart enough not to start off a sexual propostion with an compliment reverse insult.

 

[PMBG83]

Re: Getting approached by guys??

Quote:

Originally Posted by luvsic And PMBG...omg. That happens to me too. I think a cute guy is staring and I smile at him and he either frowns, gives me a dirty look, or looks away. Sheesh!

Yeah honey thats why when the dating "experts" talk all that ish about "guys love a girl who smiles and looks approachable", what and ever! Guys dont give a damn if ya look happy, nice or if you have "good vibes" coming from every orfice of your body. You could look mean as hell(like a fellow poster mentioned about one of her friends being a mean lil tart) and if hes interested in you/that girl hell go up to you/her. If a man wants something bad enough then hell go for it, whether the woman looks nice and approachable or not!

 

[alien21xx]

Re: Getting approached by guys??

I get approached way too much... by both guys and girls. Even when I'm with my boyfriend and we look like we have our faces sewn together, I still get approached. My guy tells me it's because I'm always smiling and I look like I'm nice and approachable... My sister tells me it's because I have an airhead stare. Hahaha.

 

[pinkhandgrenade]

Re: Getting approached by guys??

i've been told i look aloof. and that it's a bad thing.

:

:

 

[marreyes38]

Re: Getting approached by guys??

Quote:

Originally Posted by luvsic Just a quick question for you guys/ladies - how often do you get approached by members of the opposite (or same) sex (to be your friend, them showing interest in you, hitting on you, etc..) For every single boy I've been friends with or attracted to, I've always had to be the one to make the move to talk (if I'm even feeling brave enough! Usually I am a very shy person.) Nobody ever comes up to me to introduce themselves and start talking. And my last (I don't even know if I would count him as one..) boyfriend, I totally went after him and worked hard until I got him. Heck, most of the GUY friends I have now are due to me introducing myself, going through the whole friendly process, etc. I don't know why this is, and for a while it didn't bother me that much, but it just makes me wonder...why? Am I intimidating or something? It doesn't make me feel bad about myself per se, it just makes me kind of curious as to why this happens Words of wisdom/experience/opinions welcome.

This actually happened to me all my life until i met my boyfriend. I always figured i was ugly and that was why nobody ever made a move on me so i kinda gave up on the dating scene for a while. My boyfriend said he tried making a move on me the first night we went out but that i didnt react to it so he gave up on it. It took him a while longer to try it again (he had to make it SUPER obvious that he was interested though)....

THIS IS WHAT I THINK...
(it could be one of three things)

1. (msot likely what's happening) They are making a move but you dont realize it because its too subtle. I have no idea what you do in that case because thats pretty much what my problem is, except be more observant of what they do. For us who arent very perceptive we must learn to read their signals if they arent too obvious to us.

2. You are too beautiful so you intimidate the guys around you. They think you are WAY OUT OF THEIR LEAGE or that you have a boyfriend already so they figure why try anything.

3. (Most likely NOT THE CASE) They just dont find you attractive and they are not interested...but I KNOW this is not the case for you.


HOPE IT HELPS

 

[meiming]

Re: Getting approached by guys??

Actually I have to agree with marreyes because it totally reminded me how I've had friends tell me that guys check me out all the time but I'm way too oblivious to notice it. Of course from my point of view I don't even see a glimmer of it.

So they very well could be hitting on you too subtly for you to realize

You're a beautiful girl, I can't imagine how not

 

[lara]

Re: Getting approached by guys??

I never get approached or hit on. Too dowdy, I guess!

 

[ratmist]

Re: Getting approached by guys??

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ms.Amaranthine Never. I've maybe been approached twice. One guy was considerably older and asked for my number and the other literally said this, "You'd be good for a fuck or two, but I would never date you. Wanna hook up some time?"

Jesus CHRIST! What an asshole!

Just to put my two cents in... here's an anecdote. I worked in the Royal Mail data entry section during the summer of 2000 with a guy I really liked. I flirted mercilessly with him, and we had a great time laughing in the office. But he wouldn't take a hint or make a move! I typically don't wear a lot of makeup, and the office didn't care if we came to work everyday wearing jeans. One afternoon I dressed up a bit, did my hair nicely, wore almost no makeup.... except for my very, very very red lips. He couldn't take his eyes off me, and I spent the whole day playing with my pencil around my lips, knowing it was driving him nuts.

We went out for drinks that night and I spent the whole time playing with the top of my beer bottle. He got the damned message, and eventually made his move.

Sometimes, you just have to be frickin obvious. Go find your Russian Red and see what happens.

 

[kiss_love_kill]

Re: Getting approached by guys??

Quote:

Originally Posted by ratmist Jesus CHRIST! What an asshole! Just to put my two cents in... here's an anecdote. I worked in the Royal Mail data entry section during the summer of 2000 with a guy I really liked. I flirted mercilessly with him, and we had a great time laughing in the office. But he wouldn't take a hint or make a move! I typically don't wear a lot of makeup, and the office didn't care if we came to work everyday wearing jeans. One afternoon I dressed up a bit, did my hair nicely, wore almost no makeup.... except for my very, very very red lips. He couldn't take his eyes off me, and I spent the whole day playing with my pencil around my lips, knowing it was driving him nuts. We went out for drinks that night and I spent the whole time playing with the top of my beer bottle. He got the damned message, and eventually made his move. Sometimes, you just have to be frickin obvious. Go find your Russian Red and see what happens.

hahaaha good on you girl! damn he must be real slow. never really understood what the whole playing with the top of beer bottles do O.O i guess it can look seductive? apperently pealing the beer bottle sticker shows that your sexually frustrated? like wtf

i dont really get approached by guys... i donno why but i've been told that i put out the fuck off vibe? i donno i dont mean to!!!

but i also dont want to be smiling ALL the time while walking down the street like acomplete wanker haha

 

[Edie]

Re: Getting approached by guys??

Quote:

Originally Posted by pinkhandgrenade Girls LOVE me (lesbians) Gay boys LOVE me. Creepy old men LOVE me. I get no love from normal guys. : :

Im the same. Where I used to work I would go to the coffee shop round the corner. The owner would hit on my everyday (mind you he was like 50, I was 19 and his son was standing next to him). I had two girls in one night tell me that they would turn gay for me even though I was clearly there with my boyfriend and they were there with theirs. And when we go go gay-clubbing I get all the hot boys to dance with. Lifes good. Eh! I say if you get it, take it, whatever it is....

 

[luvsic]

Re: Getting approached by guys??

Quote:

Originally Posted by marreyes38 This actually happened to me all my life until i met my boyfriend. I always figured i was ugly and that was why nobody ever made a move on me so i kinda gave up on the dating scene for a while. My boyfriend said he tried making a move on me the first night we went out but that i didnt react to it so he gave up on it. It took him a while longer to try it again (he had to make it SUPER obvious that he was interested though).... THIS IS WHAT I THINK... (it could be one of three things) 1. (msot likely what's happening) They are making a move but you dont realize it because its too subtle. I have no idea what you do in that case because thats pretty much what my problem is, except be more observant of what they do. For us who arent very perceptive we must learn to read their signals if they arent too obvious to us. 2. You are too beautiful so you intimidate the guys around you. They think you are WAY OUT OF THEIR LEAGE or that you have a boyfriend already so they figure why try anything. 3. (Most likely NOT THE CASE) They just dont find you attractive and they are not interested...but I KNOW this is not the case for you. HOPE IT HELPS

Wow. That is very helpful. Thanks so much! It really made me think...lol, girl, believe me, I would never in a zillion years call myself beautiful. If anything at all, I think I'm just ok or maybe cute, but not beautiful!!

OMG RATMIST. HAHA...wow, that is so freaking obvious! Dude I don't know if I have the balls to do that. But props girl! That is really awesome.

And I know what you guys mean by smiling all the time. I don't think I could do that my cheek muscles would hate me by the end of the day, and in all honesty I am not that happy of a person 24/7

Meiming, now that I think of it, I think my friend told me once that a dude was checking me out...but when I looked back it was a really creepy kind of no hygiene whatsoever type of dude. XP *cringe* aww thank you. But in all honesty I think I am not that pretty...well, I'm alright. I need makeup for enhancement

(I am guessing you saw my picture in other threads..?)

You guys are great!!!!

 

[luvsic]

Re: Getting approached by guys??

Quote:

Originally Posted by PMBG83 Yeah honey thats why when the dating "experts" talk all that ish about "guys love a girl who smiles and looks approachable", what and ever! Guys dont give a damn if ya look happy, nice or if you have "good vibes" coming from every orfice of your body. You could look mean as hell(like a fellow poster mentioned about one of her friends being a mean lil tart) and if hes interested in you/that girl hell go up to you/her. If a man wants something bad enough then hell go for it, whether the woman looks nice and approachable or not!

You know I figured that. When my friend told me that guys approach girls who think are approachable, I am not so sure if that's the case really. but I Know that some guys tend to shy away from girls who look intimidating because they're scared of rejection marring their huge egos So I don't think smiles & butterflies always do the trick.

 

[juicygirl]

Re: Getting approached by guys??

its funny because it seems like i really get asked out a lot at work...i work at a doctors office &&i think its because when im interacting with the patients, i come off seeming totally confident &&natural...im very friendly and super nice...i think this is a turn on for guys..

 

[gabi1129]

Re: Getting approached by guys??

i get hit on more by girls, which is very sad considering im a total queen. but its the truth. when men do hit on me they tend to be older 30+ , which im starting to LOVE!

with my experience, guys tend to be scared to approach women/men. its weird but sometimes you gotta make the move, dont wait! it'll take alot of courage but its better to do it and be turned down or get numbers rather than wondering what could've been!

 

[ratmist]

Re: Getting approached by guys??

Quote:

Originally Posted by luvsic OMG RATMIST. HAHA...wow, that is so freaking obvious! Dude I don't know if I have the balls to do that. But props girl! That is really awesome.

Coco Chanel was really right about lipstick being a girl's assault weapon. It can make or break a look, but in my experience, it really works as a primal signal to some members of the opposite sex.

Seriously, the thing I learned about guys (and especially with my now-husband) is that if you want them to make the move, you have to make sure they understand they won't get rejected waaaaaaay before they even start thinking about making a move. The trick is to always be yourself, be friendly, and smile. Even shyness can be a big turn-on (god how much do we like shy sweet boys?), so long as there's friendliness and cheerfulness under it all. All that body language signals a big ol' green light.

I would say though that you have to be very careful who you're aiming your signals at, though. If he's the kind of guy who might think "Slut!" rather than "Hmm, pretty/nice/friendly/hot girl, I'll ask her out!" then you may get some really nasty backfiring, like the type mentioned above (the, 'I don't want to date you, I just want to f*ck you' type.)