Do other females act hostile towards you (aka, why do girls hate me)?

[SingFrAbsoltion]

So today I found out that some girls at job were complaining that I wouldn't help them while I was doing my job. Uh, wtf. I do my shit you do yours, it's not my problem if I'm busy. The managers said to ignore them because they like to whine and be lazy but still, ugh.

 

[Flammable]

Congrats on your promotion.
From your post, it seems you are a confident and ambitious woman. Hence, if your female or male coworkers cannot handle your confidence, then it's their problem. I don't see anything wrong with dressing or acting professionally and confidently. Just because most people at your workplace wear sweats does not imply that you must as well. At the same time, it is a good idea to blend into the workplace, so if others are wearing sweats you should dress business casual instead of say, in a suit. Finding a middle ground is a good idea. I also think makeup should be natural yet polished, I would never wear overly bright or dark makeup to work, specially in a corporate setting (unless you happen to work in a highly creative place where this is not frowned upon).
I agree with the poster who said that it's a good idea to turn the tables on the ladies who are being catty to you. You are only responsible for your own behaviour, so as long as you are nice, who cares if they are bitchy? Be your own wonderful self and don't give a damn to the attitudes of negative individuals.

 

[lafemmenoir]

Hmph...
I've dealt the same hand and there is no deductive logic to this. It should not be the burden of the individual to walk around with pixy dust and a happy face, because if someone's not going to like you they aren't going to like you. Sometimes being nice adds fuel to the fire and they feel angrier. For me, people have to get to know me over time. They rarely like me from straight away then if they get to know me, they want to be my best mate. Dunno. I'm the same all the time, I just don't care what they think anymore. It was too heavy, hurtful, damaging and a waste of time. I lost a good job because no one was going to remove me from a hostile work environment and leeches feed from knowing your miserable. Find ways to focus the disappointment of their projection and remember that you were promoted by your employer, and you are there to do a job. Let that be your reason for suiting up and showing up, if you give that other ish your energy, you will have an ulcer in a month. Take care and remember, you can't control others, you can only be true to yourself.

 

[k.a.t]

I have to say i have such a low self-esteem it gets me down all the time. And i constantly compare myself to others...which makes it worse. I view very put-together, attractive girls/women as threatening because they intimidate me in the sense that in my mind they look down on me and think they are superior (in my head they laugh at me), but i would never be mean to someone because they looked pretty; on the other hand i'd compliment them (though i'd be scared lol). So yeah, i just think of myself as lower down to these kind of girls because i don't feel as attractive. But that isn't an excuse to try and put them down or be down right jealous about it - thats just mean and sad.

 

[S.S.BlackOrchid]

First of all, Congrats!

A couple years ago, I had the worst boss ever. She was always yelling at her employees (both male and female) and insulting them. She had tried to insult me on a couple occasions. One time, it was when we were putting on our clean room suits, and she came over holding the largest size of the suits. She just tossed it at my lap and said "I think you'll fit into this one better." I wore a large and she handed me a 5xl. I just said "Hey!" tossed back the suit and said "let's leave the criticisms work related, ok?"

Second time, she came to insult me. I just smiled at her and said "hey, that's a nice brow pencil you're wearing, it really suits you well." (We were not supposed to wear makeup or any other contaminants in there.) It took her a second to get it, but when she did, she just quietly walked away.

But I have to say, many of women I have worked with have been great. Right now, I'm working with the Sheriffs dept., and I really like it. I have been received very well, and my coworkers don't seem to have a problem with me. My sergeant is very straight forward, if there is some thing I need to correct, she'll come and tell me straightforward and I'll do it.

 

[Kalico]

Quote:

Originally Posted by FullWroth Okay, personally I don't buy this "women are just catty" business at all because in my experience guys are just as bad, except when they do it, we say "omg men are pigs!" or whatever and dismiss it. Some of the worst blows to my self esteem have come from guys saying the same kind of catty stuff girls would; the girls were more polite about it. Either they said it behind my back and let it get back to me later, at which point I could deal with it, or they said it to my face and then stuck around so we could argue over it or duke it out like (wo)men. The guys? Generally walk/drive past just quickly enough to say something really awful and then run/drive away before I can even defend myself. That's every bit as bad, if not worse.

I TOTALLY agree! Guys are just as catty as women are. I personally am just not as intimidated by catty guys as I am by catty women. For whatever reason, guys just don't get under my skin like women do. Maybe I respect their opinions less..... lol

Also, very insightful post.

 

[ginger9]

The truth with climbing the corporate ladder and getting promoted is that (unfortunately)it comes with jealousy and sabotash and it will come from both sexes. Maybe in your work environment it just happens that your rivals are women but that is not indicative that only women engage in that behaviour.

One thing I will say about most women(from my experience), there is less of a sense of comradership or support when you are new to them. Men, in my experience are more generous when they first encounter someone. It took a long time for me to build a good relationship with some of the women at work and I have to say before that there were many incidences where we clashed. However, once a friendship or trust has been formed, I find the relationships have been so rewarding and enriching to me.

I'm going to be the oddball, but I want to say to those who say they cannot get along with other women, in time you will realize how valuable friendships and relationships with other women are. Sure men are great, I love men, but women are priceless

Lastly, my only advice is to just continue to be the best person you can be. In time people will get to know the real you and not judge you for superficial reasons. At the same time don't let the jealousy reason be your crutch because sometimes people use that for everything that goes wrong instead of looking at themselves. I'm not saying that's in your case but just be mindful of it. Hey congrats on your promotion!

 

[Bootyliciousx]

I know this is hard, but don't let those people effect your character. Keep your Head Up

And Congratulations on your promotion.

 

[makeupNdesign]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ilurvemakeup I remember awhile ago when I finally got the courage to speak up and defend myself, I cried like a baby during the whole confrontation Certain females are more hurtful when they are in a face to face situation. The girl called me a stupid chink and told me to go back to my country. I filed a complaint... and guess what she was never disciplined nor fired. I quit after hearing about that.

That's awful that they didn't fire her! I've been in that kind of work situation before (received a racist remark as well). I quit soon after too and am now working in a much better place.

I still have to deal with the occassional cubicle bitch--they're everywhere, like the plague. I'll usually kill them with kindness just because it catches them off guard. On my not-so-nice days, if I get a "onceover, snotty look" from an unstylish hag of a co-worker, I'll say condescendingly, "oh, I see you like my outfit? I think everyone should take pride in their appearance. Nice housedress btw."

I figure if they're going to hate me, I might as well give them a reason.

Overall though, I do my best to ignore them because they seem to hate that even more. It's best to focus on the things that truly matter...like your next visit to MAC. Haha, my priorities are so screwed up

Seriously though, life is too short to even acknowledge other people's BS. Better to take the high road every time.

 

[kimmy]

at my current job, i don't get this kind of stuff much because of the atmosphere. we're always in uniforms, so we all try our best to look decidely feminine, we all wear makeup (though it's nothing too flashy), almost all of us have french tipped nails and most of us get our hair done regularly.

at my last job though, i got alot of that catty bullshit from all the girls there...even one of my supervisors. i think it's best to just ignore it, i did...until the day i left, i told said supervisor that she might try growing up and maybe she'd be a little happier. maybe that wasn't a good idea, but i was pissed hah.

i agree with shimmer though, i think voicing the fact that it upsets you would be a bad idea unless you do it right before you're getting ready to quit or transfer. girls like the ones you're talking about will only feed off knowing that they're upsetting you.

 

[juicygirl]

i work at a medical office where i have been for the last five years. i am the youngest [25] in an office of two doctors and two other girls. the other two girls are 38 and 42 respectively. anyways, the 38 year old has been working there since 1987 and the 42 year old just started working here in september 07. anyways, i am very interested in the field as i would like to make a career in the health field, hopefully to become a doctor and have already gotten my bachelors degree. the other two are not college educated. the whole reason of this backstory is that i have never done anything to these two women but they are constantly hostile towards me and mess with my hours. catty stuff. sooo much shit has gone on and i have cried many tears over it. i do not consider myself to be conceited in the least but all of my family/friends tell me that its because they're jealous. after a while, ive learned to accept this because it is soooo true!! i mean, patients often will compliment me on my face or tell me im really nice and this irks them. im not gonna change who i am to make them happy. one time, the lady said to me that i was dressing too skanky after a guy asked me out. excuse me, but how can i be dressed skanky when we all are wearing the same MATCHING scrubs?!?!?!?! made no sense whatsoever but whatevs. my whole point in this post is that you just need to do what makes you happy. i know it sounds cliched but seriously what it comes down to is id rather be the one hated on than doing the hating because jealousy is such an ugly emotion and i can at least go to sleep at night knowing that i have treated people the way i would like to be treated. congrats on the promo! =]

 

[fashionette]

This happens to me too. I started school again last year. New people, new class. Of course I made friends (and we are really close, btw) but some of the girls, "the clique" are so horrible to me. I'm a really sweet and kind person, shy to strangers, but not rude or anything and I get a lot of nasty comments and there's been some bs floating around in our class. The thing is, they refuse to talk to me. Most of them never even said "hi", but they are telling my friends that I'm a "f*cking c*nt" and that nobody likes me because I'm unfriendly and stupid (?) etc etc

And I really don't understand why. Sure, we probably don't listen to the same music, and we don't really dress the same, but I've never done anything to them. I'm shocked and surprised that girls their age are behaving like kids... Is a new face really that horrible? Or maybe it's because I'm pretty independent and smart and don't have to hide behind my friends.

 

[HeavenLeiBlu]

Errrr, not really. On the rare occasion that it happens, it's usually with complete strangers, in which case I have no reason to give a shit. I always find it odd that adult women have these experiences w/other adult women. I mean, who hasn't been victim to "mean girl" treatment in middle school, high school, and maybe a smidgen of college? I find it odd that a fully grown woman would engage in that bullshit. Being catty is such a waste of time and an obvious sign that the person doing it is a weak individual.


I actually had to come back and edit. There are a couple old biddies at my job who act funny towards me, but I chalk it up to them being territorial about their positions here, when it's apparent that I and a few other and newer employess can run circles around them in this department. I just don't pay them any mind, after I had some stern words with them and nipped things in the bud. Feeding into the BS is more telling of your character than theirs.

 

[HeavenLeiBlu]

Quote:

Originally Posted by chocodcocoa I prefer to be friends with guys because they tend not to do the whole snarky backstabbing thing.

I'm sorry, and I don't mean to direct what I'm about to say directly at you, but that is SO incorrect.

An insecure, catty woman has nothing on an insecure man. Men are legendary for their pissing contests with each other, AND with women they just express their foolishness in different ways, but they are no less obnoxious.

I always admit to raising my eyebrow in my mind's eye when women say that they don't like other females because they're jealous, catty, etc. To me it shows that they are immediately dismissive of other woman in general because of bad experiences that they may have had with other women who behave poorly, which is unfortunate.

My VERY best friend happens to be a man, but not because I don't get along with other females. I met him through a very close mutual female friend, and we are both very close to him. Of course, his lady friends are a bit put off by that initially, but hey

.

I just wish people didn't get their hackles raised so easily by others that don't know how to act, and just decide who is worth their time by judging them individually, instead of deciding how they think they might be, based on gender. We all miss out on a lot, by doing so.

 

[FullWroth]

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeavenLeiBlu An insecure, catty woman has nothing on an insecure man. Men are legendary for their pissing contests with each other, AND with women they just express their foolishness in different ways, but they are no less obnoxious.

AMEN, sister. A-freaking-men. (Pun unintended.)

 

[benzito_714]

i had this conversation with my husband after my first day of grad school. i went to class dressed casual, full face of make-up and eager to learn. some women looked at me sideways and others just kind of ignored me. then after we introduced ourselves and our occupations (mine wife and mother) i definitely had the rest of the women on my bad side. it was as if they looked at me like i am a kept woman with nothing to do but go back to school as my husband was affording me this opportunity. it almost felt like i could feel their hate-some may deny it but you can feel a person's ill will.
you can't be too cute-b/c your stuck up, you can't be too ugly-b/c your unworthy, hell you can't be you.
when i find myself 'hating' on another woman i force myself to compliment her-in my thoughts or aloud. when you get past your own insecurities its easy to find the beauty in yourself and others.

 

[S.S.BlackOrchid]

*poof*

 

[Beauty Mark]

People are in general kind of awful. However, I feel like that women, on a whole (not all, of course), tend to be awful in more psychological, passive way. And I feel like the other women victims, on a whole, are more likely to either put up with it or wonder what they did wrong rather than immediately saying "WTF is wrong with you?"

I think it's largely how most women as children are taught to be "nice", because God knows being nice means being indirectly mean to someone or not standing up for yourself.

There are exceptions, of course. I actually think it's more likely people have good ideas how to hurt someone vs. women are inherently, indirectly mean to each other. From everyone's stories on this board, it sounds like both men and women know what to say to upset the other person (a women).

 

[User35]

Girls girls girls I feel ya. Try being a cop. There are so few of us and the ones that are vets seem to be so clicky and idk its like they dont wanna help bring us up and teach us. I work in a mans field and I hope I ALWAYS try to help my sisters out. We gotta stick together whatever field we work in. Im so sick of seeing girls trying to bring other girls down. I could rant and rave for hours but I dont think I will Im sure you get it.

cant we all just get along ?? lol

 

[iadoremac]

Unfortunately females are like that and theres nothing you can do about it. I have lived my life with women trying to treat me that way but the difference between me and you is that I always stand up for myself and I really dont give a damn and it seems to piss them off even more especially when they know that theres nothing they can do about it. So dont worry just keep being you they'll get over it eventually