I may have a differing opinion than most people.
I feel like on the very logical and idealistic side that I should expect the decency of people to not judge my relationships and personal life. I also feel that, in this day in age, hopefully people would be more accepting, understanding, gentle and open minded. This is where my however comes- However, from experience I honestly don’t think everyone is cut out for interracial dating. I think you have to know what type of person you are and your values and when push comes to shove where you will stand.
It kills me that by being with me my fiancé‘s parents are instantly “hurt”. They don’t look past the race. I’m Spanish/Mexican and he’s Indian. He tells me all the time that if they just got to know me that I would be the type of person they wish they had had as their own child. Honestly, I know if I didn’t mean the world to my fiancé it is not something he would ever put his parents through. Of course, I feel like they are being immature and close minded- but this is what they were brought up with. They grew up in the world where you were married to your best possible available match and now in their late 50s all of this is just “too much” to handle. My point is that I can see where if someone cares about their family and they are not serious about their significant other they may choose to date someone within their race as to not upset their family or society. I know a lot of people that the family thing matters so much to them they will not consider dating anyone outside of their race and in my opinion, it’s because they are scared of falling hard for someone of the “wrong race”. Ideally, yes, I wish people did not see the color as an issue. But, I can definitely see where staying within your own race is “easier”.
We knew a guy friend (Indian) of ours who was wonderfully in love with a Caucasian girl. After they graduated he proposed to her and she said yes and they were engaged for about year until they finally told his parents. His mom came to live with him and slept in his room for 2 weeks threatening to kill herself if he married her. In the end, he broke it off with his fiancé and married some Indian girl. =(
For years my Mom told me not to get excited about being with my fiancé because he would never marry me because of his societal roles and responsibilities to his parents. He is an only male child left in the family and that’s a big deal to his parents. So, even my own Mom, who taught me to never look at color, is affected by race and stereotypes.
As always, I think the only thing that matters are your priorities. Personally, I’m not willing to stick to a small pool of applicants just to appease someone else’s views of what is right or wrong. I value my fiancé for what he brings to my life- yes, he was raised differently in some aspects and has some different views- but together we find such a happy balance. I mean in the end it’s just me and him and we know this. We know that after our parents die we will only have the person we fell in love with. We know that all our parents truly want is for us to be happy and it will just take time to see that the only thing they are scared of is the unknown. That the different person is the one that makes their son happy and then when they realize that everything will be okay. I’m okay with that, I knew when I fell in love with my fiancé that it may be something I would be up against and I love his parents for loving him so much that they are scared of me. They made him the man that I fell in love with and I’m okay with giving them time in return.
