my love was taken away from me

[Beauty Mark]

After listing what he did, you know why he got arrested. I'm not going to tell you to dump him, because I've used weed before, have had drug dealer friends, and certainly have friends who do drugs of all kinds still. I don't believe they're evil, but I'm not going to go into my beliefs about drug use in this thread, as we've hashed this out before in other threads.

The short is that even if your boyfriend is Ghandi, Jesus, and Buddha combined, he broke US law. He took a risk and that's what happens sometimes. The court really will assign a lawyer to him if he cannot afford one; given that you don't have much money, you'd probably be better off doing that, even if you found someone who would be that cheap.

The most you can do for him now is being supportive. I'm kind of confused by your story. IF you're in the vicinity, you could try using a landline phone or finding someone who has a local area cell phone number.

 

[user46]

even though public defenders are supposed to well, defend, thats not really the case. since the court is all in cahoots with each other, public defenders don't really give a damn. the court is gonna pay them regardless. it isnt like you're paying them directly, like a real lawyer. i'd call up some lawyers and see if they did their yearly free case. every lawyer has to do one case per year for free.

 

[*Stargazer*]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MACpro__* even though public defenders are supposed to well, defend, thats not really the case. since the court is all in cahoots with each other, public defenders don't really give a damn. the court is gonna pay them regardless. it isnt like you're paying them directly, like a real lawyer. i'd call up some lawyers and see if they did their yearly free case. every lawyer has to do one case per year for free.

Where is lipstickandhate? I'd like for her to weigh in on this particular post.

 

[Shimmer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MACpro__* even though public defenders are supposed to well, defend, thats not really the case. since the court is all in cahoots with each other, public defenders don't really give a damn. the court is gonna pay them regardless. it isnt like you're paying them directly, like a real lawyer. i'd call up some lawyers and see if they did their yearly free case. every lawyer has to do one case per year for free.

I'm sure their student loan debt would disagree with your assessment of the 'reality' of their law degree.

 

[user46]

im sure their law degree is legit. but .. they are working for the court ultimately. but me sayin that wasn't meant for it to go farther than that soo ... yea, i'll just end it there.

 

[MorningGlory]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MACpro__* even though public defenders are supposed to well, defend, thats not really the case. since the court is all in cahoots with each other, public defenders don't really give a damn. the court is gonna pay them regardless. it isnt like you're paying them directly, like a real lawyer. i'd call up some lawyers and see if they did their yearly free case. every lawyer has to do one case per year for free.

I have to disagree with this. The courts are not in cahoots with the police or district attorney. The court is there to provide a balanced opportunity for the state to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the arrested person did in fact do the crime. A judge and jury has no stake in convicting criminals. I find the idea that a jury of ones peers is in cahoots to put people in jail for no reason to be preposterous.

Also, public defenders are not paid by the courts. This is their job, they take it seriously. I don't think a lawyer would take such a difficult job if they didn't believe they could make a difference and wouldn't bother trying to make that difference. Also since public defenders are hired and paid by the local and state governments they wouldn't have their job for very long if they didn't give a damn.

 

[user46]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MorningGlory I have to disagree with this. The courts are not in cahoots with the police or district attorney. The court is there to provide a balanced opportunity for the state to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the arrested person did in fact do the crime. A judge and jury has no stake in convicting criminals. I find the idea that a jury of ones peers is in cahoots to put people in jail for no reason to be preposterous. Also, public defenders are not paid by the courts. This is their job, they take it seriously. I don't think a lawyer would take such a difficult job if they didn't believe they could make a difference and wouldn't bother trying to make that difference. Also since public defenders are hired and paid by the local and state governments they wouldn't have their job for very long if they didn't give a damn.

mhmmm

 

[*Stargazer*]

Good grief.

 

[Shimmer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MACpro__* mhmmm

Public defender or paid attorney, no one can change when evidence clearly points to guilt, as it often does in cases they have to take on. Often the best they can do is lessen the charges or the punishment for the offender.

Guilt is guilt, and if there's evidence to prove guilt beyond a reasonable doubt, well, that sucks for the offender and he shouldn't have been doing what ever it is he was doing.

 

[purrtykitty]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MACpro__* even though public defenders are supposed to well, defend, thats not really the case. since the court is all in cahoots with each other, public defenders don't really give a damn. the court is gonna pay them regardless. it isnt like you're paying them directly, like a real lawyer. i'd call up some lawyers and see if they did their yearly free case. every lawyer has to do one case per year for free.

As a law student (soon to be lawyer in a few months) I find your statement wildly inappropriate and in very poor taste.

A public defender is a "real lawyer" has a duty to his/her client to put for the best defense possible and do what is in the best interest of the client (or what the client wants to do). Any public defender who doesn't rise up to this standard will be in front of an ethics board or be out of a job. Now that being said, a public defender is not a miracle worker...some clients are so darn guilty and there's so much evidence stacked up against them there's nothing that can be done except to strike a plea bargain.

No, every lawyer does not HAVE to do one pro bono case per year. Each state's bar association sets its requirements for pro bono work. Most states won't require that a lawyer take on pro bono work because if a lawyer already has a full plate and then is required to do pro bono on top, that may very well cause the lawyer to provide less than adequate legal services. In fact, lawyers who are over-extended can get into trouble with their state's ethics committee. Most states will allow a lawyer to pay a certain amount of money into the state's legal aid fund in order to get out of doing pro bono.

This poor girl is asking for advice, and those who directed her to seek pro bono or wait for a public defender are accurate. What's done is done, and now her and her boyfriend need damage control.

 

[MAC_Whore]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MACpro__* mhmmm

Let's holster the conspiracy theories, shall we?

 

[MACisME]

dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb~

u obviously contemplated thinking about getting another bf or else you wouldnt have mentioned it. Good Luck

 

[MAC_Pixie04]

Quote:

Originally Posted by silversuniverse He has been so good to me. He was even saving up money to buy me an engagement ring (which now I am having to spend on a lawyer for him) I'm so upset about the whole situation! Anyone ever been in a situation like this? I can't even talk to him because my cell phone is long distance and of course it's a cell phone.

"Saving?" I'm not trying to be offensive, but you honestly would have accepted an engagement ring purchased with drug money?

I'm assuming you knew about his involvement in drugs, in which case, I can't offer any sympathy, but I personally wouldn't be able to stand behind my man if he got himself caught up doing something so dumb (I am NOT calling your boyfriend dumb, but doing what he did and expecting not to get caught esp. having warrants out and court dates is pretty dumb), and I certainly wouldn't go shelling out my money for his defense. However, since I haven't been in this situation I guess it's easier for me to say that since I haven't had to face the possibility.
Therefore, I can't offer any good suggestions that will help you to help him...but perhaps a rehab program?


Edit to add: My boyfriend actually did dabble in drugs before we ever met, and he has friends that still do it and some are dealers. I know that he doesn't partake in it and the main reason he doesn't bring me around his friends is because he knows that I don't agree with that type of lifestyle, and I told him that if I ever caught him getting mixed up into it, we'd be done, and I meant it. Honestly, if he's willing to break the law and put you through this kind of stress for the sake of getting high, is it really worth it? And you immediately pointed out that someone suggesting you to get another man is out of the questions, but perhaps you should question this one for at least a minute; can you really go through this again if he doesn't learn his lesson this time? Do you wanna risk getting caught with something and facing charges just by being around him? My uncle got arrested recently just for being in someone else's car that had a bong in the backseat that he didn't even know was there, nonetheless had he touched it or used it. Can you afford to be bailing him out and looking for lawyers if he does this again? I know love is a powerful force, because love has caused me to do some things and make some decisions that I probably wouldn't have done otherwise, but there's a point where you have to put love aside for a moment and think about what you're risking by staying with someone who engages in this kind of risky behavior, because it's not only risky for him but also for you.
And if you decide that you can put up with this, well then more power to you.

 

[glam8babe]

sorry to hear about it! it must be so hard especially near your birthday. Im sure everything will turn out ok x

 

[purrtykitty]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MAC_Pixie04 "Saving?" I'm not trying to be offensive, but you honestly would have accepted an engagement ring purchased with drug money?

Now technically he was charged with possession, not intent to distribute, so the money he was saving is likely from a legitimate source. She never said anything about him dealing drugs, just that he did drugs.

Otherwise, I totally agree with what you said. Bottomline...drugs don't just hurt the user, drugs hurt the people around the user.

 

[Hilly]

The OP hasn't responded to the post now...I bet she has been scared off....

 

[silversuniverse]

MY REPLY IS NOT MEANT TO BE CONFRONTATIONAL, I AM SIMPLY EXPRESSING MY OPINIONS JUST AS EVERYONE ELSE HERE HAS.

Nah not scared off, Hilly, just hating how my view of the world always seems to be right.

Let me tell you all something: You never know how you will truly react to something until you experience it. If you've never been pregnant, you wouldn't understand abortion and how hard of a decision it truly is (though I'm not saying it is the right decision because I believe if you are capable of taking care of the child you should have it) If you've never been left to live out on the street with no money, you suddenly assume every poor person is a bad person who knows nothing of handling money. And the same idea applies here in my situation.

Obviously most of you all stay away from drugs (and it is a good decision), but that sheltered state of mind puts you at a disadvantage in the world. In no way am I telling you to go do coke or smoke pot. No, no, stay away from them. You have no idea how many people's lives I know have been ruined by drugs. My boyfriend's life is in the process of being ruined. But I still love him. And as they say love knows no boundaries. And besides it's not like he's shooting up heroin or smoking meth. He smoked a little pot and got caught. I'm not saying he's innocent. By no means is he innocent. He knows that and he is ready to face the consequences, no matter how bad they may be. And I am ready to stand by him and help him no matter what.

Though I would like to reply to a few people's statements which I thought were completely out of line.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MAC_Pixie04 "Saving?" I'm not trying to be offensive, but you honestly would have accepted an engagement ring purchased with drug money?

I found this statement extremely offensive, and even though the issue has already been resolved I just want to comment on it. My boyfriend has never in his life dealt drugs. Never once did I say he was in jail for dealing, only for possession. I respect your opinion on the situation, however that was a very uncalled for.

I know that he loves me and he was changing for me. All of these charges are from at least a year before he met me, in our 2 years of dating he has never been arrested, he got 2 jobs, an apartment and was on his way to trying to get his life straightened out. When before I met him he was living with his dad partying every weekend. People do change.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MACisME dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb~ u obviously contemplated thinking about getting another bf or else you wouldnt have mentioned it. Good Luck

This was another comment I thought completely out of line and off topic. The only reason I put that was because I knew that half the people who would reply to this thread would tell me to find another man. And I was right wasn't I? Yeah that's what I thought.

Quote:

Originally Posted by silversuniverse Why does this have to happen to him quote] Ms. Z OK, I can't help myself. Do you not see that this didn't happen to him, he did this to himself. Dump him!

I just wanted to say that you are really immature and your comment was completely useless. Also it seems that you have no regard for the feelings of others and you lack life experience. You type like a 16 year old, however in your profile it says you're my mom's age.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kokometro Co-dependency is a harsh mistress.

Codependency applies to someone who cares for someone who is addicted to drugs. He stopped smoking pot months ago. And besides, pot is not an addictive drug.

I have no comment on all the lawyers and public defenders. His dad and I are paying $5,000 for a lawyer now who will hopefully be able to get him the minimum sentence in both counties. *crosses fingers*

I would like to say thank you for those who weren't quick to judge, even though I can understand the other people's opinions. I used to think like that too. Potheads aren't all bad people, hell I've never met a violent pothead. I used to think people who did drugs were horrible people but that just goes to show that you can't judge a book by its cover. It was drugs that brought my two best friends and myself together (even though we don't do them anymore).


But like I said, if you've never tried drugs, stay far far away. I never meant for this topic to get so controversial. But I thank everyone for their opinions, I'm in the process of helping him because he needs all the help he can get right now. I hope no one else has to go through this pain.

 

[threelittlebirds]

I hope the issues gets resolved quickly and I commend you for sticking by your man. People make mistakes...it's a part of life. No one is perfect and I'd be a hermit if someone who loved me left me each time I f-ed up. It is great that he got his act together for you...just a shame that he missed his court date. I really do hope that things work out for the best.

And for drug use...it is illegal. Using drugs = breaking the law but not all drug users are irresponsible losers. I think life calls for moderation in many cases. I know a lot of people who smoke pot, some casually and some more frequently. Most of them are very successful, kind-hearted people and in no way would I categorize them as a loser. In fact, I'd say that many of them have more put together lives than some people I know that don't smoke pot (I am not saying in ANY way that smoking pot makes their life better, just pointing out the irony). It CAN ruin lives if you let it take over. But yeah, I don't think it's fair for people to automatically assume that an occasional pot smoker or ex-pot smoker is a bad person who makes terrible decisions.

Sorry for going off on that tangent. Best of luck to you.

 

[Shimmer]

Using drugs = breaking the law.

This sentence ftw.

 

[Dreamergirl3]

This is the thing that bothers me about marijuana smokers...no matter how you feel about the drug laws, it's weird to be getting upset over GETTING CAUGHT.

Now, I am an avid marijuana supporter. If you want to help change the laws and stop talking and start taking action, check out your local NORML. So anyhow, I smoke pot. However, IT IS AGAINST THE LAW. And I have been caught before, and now only do it when I am sure it is 'safe'. You can't delude yourself into thinking the punishment and the situation is unfair, when that was the risk he was taking at the time. Unfortunately this is how it is. It is the risk that we take. We have to live with it and it only makes our situation worse, especially as a smoker myself, to whine and be bitter at the system.

The only reason this topic seems so controversial is because you're being very defensive about it. In your original post, you were automatically defensive without even hearing what other people thought! Your second post is very very defensive as well.

I really feel for you, you love your man and now he's gone and who knows what will happen, and it's awful. However you should be spending time getting strong for your man, because it seems that you feel very sorry for yourself and have a "why me?" attitude about the situation. I'm sorry, but this DID happen because of the choices your boyfriend made. It was a bad decision but you must play the hand your dealt. Stay strong, hopefully everything turns out in your favor, and good luck to you and your boyfriend.