I feel like confronting Eoraptor with the both worlds problem is unfair. the thick line drawn between men and women is a completely cultural standard. There are societies where men are expected to dress themselves up - including makeup - and dance seductively to compete for the affections of women. so while wanting to look and be perceived as "feminine" [which is a positively relative term to begin with] while still being a man is uncommon in our society, it is by no means wrong or grounds for criticism of his feelings.
as for not knowing what to call someone there is a simple solution. just ask. the only reason asking is peculiar is because we're so used to having everyone figured out when we see them, but what's really wrong with not? all you have to do is say, "i'm sorry. i really don't mean to be rude, but i don't want to offend you later on. do you prefer to be called a him or a her?" I feel like it's not much different than asking someone what they are in terms of their heritage and where their parents came from. sometimes a person looks mexican but then you find out that they're really half black and half irish. or some other combination. criticizing a person's aesthetic choices because it makes talking about them difficult for you seems a little silly.
I actually wrote an essay about this last semester. I truly feel that gender roles are a product of our society. There has been research done chronicling the different ways that we raise boys and girls, and even if their parents don't guide them to be feminine or masculine books they read and television they watch does.
I believe that all children should be treated exactly the same and they should be allowed to freely choose if they want to play with dolls or trucks or if they want to wear dresses or jeans or mary janes or nikes. Limiting how a person is "allowed" to be based on their gender is no different than limiting how they are "allowed" to be based on their race. it's all stereotyping.
I would love to live in a world where straight men can wear makeup and dresses while watching monday night football and drinking a cosmopolitan. and not be harassed or discriminated against. or the rugged boy in the ripped jeans and the leather jacket can enjoy having a spa day and collecting LE barbies without being called a fag. I dislike how certain characteristics are mutually exclusive. I feel like it limits our possibilities as a species. I know there are women out there who truly love feeling and acting stereotypically feminine and men who love feeling and acting stereotypically masculine. and that should be allowed as well. but there are a lot of men who aren't satisfied with this, but feel trapped by social standards, and plenty of people who have the courage to rise above those social standards to be hated and discriminated against, or just judged cruelly. I can not tell you how much respect and admiration I have for transsexuals. because I can not imagine how difficult it is for them to be treated the way they are by the majority of the population.
