Control your brats.

[lizardprincesa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer I'm going to have to say that not acknowledging differences within our children upfront and honestly is a HUGE problem.

You're absolutely right. But first, I believe, we to need to recognize similarities between children...and people, in general, for that matter. ​

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer Having a physical/mental handicap doesn't make a kid a bad person, nor does it make the person acknowledging that handicap a bad person.

You are right! I hope it didn't seem I was saying that earlier.

Not all children who have special needs are handicapped. Some children are simply *developmentally delayed*...
& they do catch up... I'm seeing that with my own eyes...
​

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer But even Down's kids misbehave.

Of course they do! My son just had a bout of "I will do the opposite of anything you ask of me." He's in a time-out right now.

How about " Kids who have Down's."

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer Even ADD/ADHD (I'm sick of this excuse. I'm about as ADD as a methed out crackmonkey on a Sunday morning coming down, and it's no excuse for me, and it wasn't when I was a child.)

I'm sure I must have ADD, as well....really...

Don't all kids have it, to some degree? It wasn't an excuse when I was a child, either. In fact, I think it was just beginning to be a dx. I guess some kids have it so severely, it interferes with their learning & functioning...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer can and should be controlled so their behaviour doesn't spill over and cause problems for random strangers in their area.

Absolutely. Most definitely! I agree!

This goes for *all* kids. Society has a few agreed - upon rules, & I was brought up to believe this to be one of them. I never (rarely) received physical punishment, tho....I got yelled at - at home.
Outside of the home, my siblings & I generally knew how to behave.
(However, all hell let loose sometimes at home (3 of us, close in age.)

I'm trying to teach my 4-yr-old....& I think it's going well! I'm thrilled. I didn't know I had it in me to be able to impart discipline. My husband & I do so verbally, with time-outs, & short-term removal of toys/privileges (like Music or TV)

​

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer I'm not one of those parents who's going to take my kid shopping with me then get frustrated and leave my entire grocery cart in the aisle and take my child home. I don't believe in that.

I'm don't believe in that, either. I want to nip the negative behaviors in the bud, before they spread to outside. I hope I do it right...practice practice practice...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer I believe in carting his happy butt to the bathroom and straightening him out, or leaving my basket at the desk while I take him to the car and straighten him out and head the temper fit off.

These are both great ideas.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer My kids aren't and never will be the ones in control of my life.

You are right... sometimes, circumstances can't be helped, tho...

Ideally, the parents need to be in control. Children ask for/need structure & discipline; if we don't give it to them, they will have a difficult time in the world...
​

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer I'm not a pampering parent, and I don't bubblewrap them. I refuse.

Here, I'm a bit guilty. So were my parents, *to some extent*... This Life...who knows how long it lasts? Children - oooh....I *love* to pamper him sometimes...& I think you do, too...even if once in awhile (no offense intended, Shimmer.)

I *love* the bubblewrap comment & will keep it in my arsenal.

I will try to bubblewrap only makeup.

No offense intended about *anything*....Discussion only.

I hope your Day is beautiful!
​

 

[*Stargazer*]

Heelies are the devil.


I don't play games. I am sure people HATE me when I am out in public but when kids are involved and they are doing stuff they shouldn't, I say something. As loud as I possibly can so that their lazy parents can hear me. The trouble is, shame isn't what it used to be and they just don't give a crap.

But at the same time, I'm the FIRST person to stop and help another parent when they have a child having a meltdown and they are legitimately trying to deal with it. I have three children under 5. I know meltdown intimately

We have made sure to take out children our in public since they were newborns. They can't learn proper behavior in public if they don't get to practice it.

 

[Professor Fate]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer My 7 year old is getting into skateboarding. What a hair raising experience for me. It's hard to watch and not want to stop him from getting hurt, but he's going to eventually. I have to let him do it. Getting hurt teaches him caution.

Too many kids are so sheltered from experiences that build toughness and character.

 

[Shimmer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Stargazer* Heelies are the devil. I don't play games. I am sure people HATE me when I am out in public but when kids are involved and they are doing stuff they shouldn't, I say something. As loud as I possibly can so that their lazy parents can hear me. The trouble is, shame isn't what it used to be and they just don't give a crap. But at the same time, I'm the FIRST person to stop and help another parent when they have a child having a meltdown and they are legitimately trying to deal with it. I have three children under 5. I know meltdown intimately We have made sure to take out children our in public since they were newborns. They can't learn proper behavior in public if they don't get to practice it.

I most heartily agree with your last point.



At the climbing gym I use, we give a safety briefing. Two key points of that briefing are "Don't climb under someone else" and "Don't swing on the belay points."

Before I got sick, we were working on a problem that needed about 9 foot of wall, sideways, but was across an autobelay point.
The number of kids who ran up to pull the rope down, and simply couldn't understand why I was on a wall, hanging on by my pinky, telling them to find somewhere else to climb. Then they would snap the belay rope back against the wall, which would in turn cause my grip to slip.
Their parents actually reported me for not letting them climb.

No you little ingrates, I'm trying to protect BOTH of us from serious injury.


And, those Petzl GriGris? They're fairly heavy and all metal. Swinging them around is ASKING to knock someone's teeth out.

 

[Shimmer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Professor Fate Too many kids are so sheltered from experiences that build toughness and character.

Dude, in my house, 3 years of age is when we shed floaties in the pool.
Baseball? You're going to get hit, and I may be the one who does it.
Soccer? You'll be body checked. Learn to deal with it.
Ripsticking? Put on helmets and wrist guards, because those two body parts are expensive.
Rock climbing? Don't forget to moisturize. And use a crashpad properly.

I believe in the kids experiencing life as it comes at you. They're going to disagree with someone. They're going to get dumped. They're going to have an unreciprocated crush. They're going to get called names, they're going to fail. It's my job, and my husband's job, to make sure they can cope with those experiences.

 

[elegant-one]

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Stargazer* Heelies are the devil. I don't play games. I am sure people HATE me when I am out in public but when kids are involved and they are doing stuff they shouldn't, I say something. As loud as I possibly can so that their lazy parents can hear me. The trouble is, shame isn't what it used to be and they just don't give a crap.

I so agree

 

[newagetomatoz]

Whoever invented Heelies should be dragged out to the street and be beat with them. Repeatedly.

And to those parents, you are their parents, not their friends. Grow some balls and smack the kid when they deserve it. don't worry about "scarring them." They'll get over it. I'm not advocating beating your kid, but give them a goddamn slap on the ass when they earn it. Hell, I got slapped across the face, hands, and ass because, yes, I was a little brat. I even had my teddy bear thrown in the microwave with the timer set, with me thinking my momma was nuking Teddy while I cried hysterically for five minutes.

Even though I'm only seventeen, I see my generation and the ones after me and I fear for the world.

Parents, stop letting your kids be little self-absorbed tyrants. We live here too.

 

[s0damnbeautiful]

Great post! I wait tables, and the way some of the children act these days astonishes me. I ask my parents sometimes if I acted that way when I was a kid and they said no, they'd have punished me for it. They also said that if I was misbehaving that day they wouldn't take me in public (lol).

I always remember one of my co-workers was also a first grade teacher. She taught her students to say please and thank you (of course). At one of her tables a kid ordered and didn't say please and this girl automatically said "please ..." and the kids parents FLIPPED OUT at her. They talked to management, they called corporate ... even after she explained. It's amazing how parents don't teach their kids this anymore. They just let them yell and scream and do whatever they watn ... they let them draw ON THE TABLE with crayons, they let them run aroudnd the restaurant when servers are walking around w/ trays, they let them open up sugar packets and dump them everywhere ...

I work across the street from a childrens amusement park thats open during the summer, and OMG I want to shoot people by the end of the day. I hope that when I'm a parent I raise my kids the way my parents raised me & my sisters. I always make a point to tell parents how great their kids are when I'm waiting on polite kids. It's so rare haha.

 

[knoxydoll]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer I most heartily agree with your last point. At the climbing gym I use, we give a safety briefing. Two key points of that briefing are "Don't climb under someone else" and "Don't swing on the belay points." Before I got sick, we were working on a problem that needed about 9 foot of wall, sideways, but was across an autobelay point. The number of kids who ran up to pull the rope down, and simply couldn't understand why I was on a wall, hanging on by my pinky, telling them to find somewhere else to climb. Then they would snap the belay rope back against the wall, which would in turn cause my grip to slip. Their parents actually reported me for not letting them climb. No you little ingrates, I'm trying to protect BOTH of us from serious injury. And, those Petzl GriGris? They're fairly heavy and all metal. Swinging them around is ASKING to knock someone's teeth out.

It's a catch 22 because if you said nothing and the kid got hurt the parents would be bitching at you for not saying something, and when you say something they bitch at you for talking.

 

[Shimmer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by knoxydoll It's a catch 22 because if you said nothing and the kid got hurt the parents would be bitching at you for not saying something, and when you say something they bitch at you for talking.

It is. Of course, we have a really cool little waiver that says that they can't sue us for their kids being retards.

 

[*KT*]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lizardprincesa amen Not all children who have special needs misbehave, as not all children who don't have special needs behave. Children are children. My son has special needs, but he won't act that way in public. btw...He is a child who was born with Down's Syndrome, or he is a child who has Down's Syndrome. This isn't so much anger, as an attempt to be an agent of change. Here is simply info, albeit pc .....& it's not directed at you,*KT*, nor at anyone in particular. I gently corrected my own dad the other Day. We, parents of children who have special needs, are not thrilled to hear " a special needs child," nor "a Down's (Syndrome) child." It can feel as if the person is referring to a pedigree poodle...Do we call a child who's blind a "blind child" ? Probably (guilty myself, in the past). I worked for years with adolescents who were migrant farmworkers. I almost wrote "migrant farmworker adolescents." (slaps own hand) We need to see the child/person *first,* before the differences & labels. My seeming rant (I hope it isn't seen that way), is about *all* the 'isms' Language/vocabulary/syntax has actually proven to change societal attitudes in positive directions. Please don't take my comments personally. ReallyReallyReally. I have been on a path to change the World since I was a little girl. I've seen language help... Thanks for reading. xx ​

I certainly understand that. We have patients (young and old) who have physical and/or mental issues who are a joy to help. The practice I work for has pediatric specialists, retinal, corneal, etc... so we see pretty much everything. I used to babysit a boy who was born with downs syndrome when I was a teen, and beyond his obsession with Teenage Muntant Ninja Turtles, he was a fun kid and no more of a handful than any of the other boys I watched.

The only reason I added that to my rant was because sometimes there are valid reasons for a child to freak out... especially in a medical setting where they've already had drops put in their eyes, etc and there's a degree of mistrust before they even make it over to pick out glasses.

Years ago, I helped a child who was tactile defensive (extremely sensitive to touching of any kind) pick out glasses. It certainly was a challenge and took a bit of time to do it, but he handled the situation beautifully... which is so much more than I can say about little "Damien" in my rant. I'm convinced much of the credit in both the good and the bad case goes to the mothers and how they chose to handle new situations with their children.

BTW, little "Damien" came in today again... this time with both mom and dad present. When the child started screaming again, dad was actually laughing like it was all very amusing that his son was a complete terror. I popped some Advil and closed my office door to help muffle the sounds. God be with the teacher who eventually has this kid in her classroom.

 

[knoxydoll]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer It is. Of course, we have a really cool little waiver that says that they can't sue us for their kids being retards.

Sometimes I wish we had that while I was working security. Sometimes I wish I could just deck people for no reason. I could tackle people if they started to run away though. That was always fun.

 

[Shimmer]

I like being able to take away gear when kids act like hooligans.

Like I said, once that waiver's signed, if their kids run smack into the boulder over and over again and fall down unconscious, or if they fall off a belay point, it's not anything we're liable for.

 

[knoxydoll]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer I like being able to take away gear when kids act like hooligans. Like I said, once that waiver's signed, if their kids run smack into the boulder over and over again and fall down unconscious, or if they fall off a belay point, it's not anything we're liable for.

The families would still try and sue. You live in the States, and it's the American Way.

 

[Shimmer]

Try =/= success

 

[knoxydoll]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer Try =/= success

Oh I know. Totally OT from the original topic but... Someone tried to sue my brother-in-law, for 2 million $, for an accident that happened two years ago, that they already received money from the insurance companies. The reason he was served was for medical needs, that apparently appeared out of no where and were cured by the time of the papers. It was ridiculous. His father is a judge and almost pissed himself laughing when they tried this. The suit was just thrown out. I don't understand why people would just be that greedy that they try and ruin someone's life for no apparent reason then to get more money. It's like that Judge in the states that sued the dry cleaners. I'm scared the American Way is moving up North. People need to stop abusing the systems and start having respect for their fellow man.

 

[elegant-one]

We have a friend that is a teacher and she said they can't hardly take the kids anymore...she said that the parents are terrible. So these parents think that if you throw more tax dollars at the school the kids will get smarter...

In our area, the studies have shown that the more money that is given to the schools, the grades get lower and the kids can't read, articulate, do math...on & on. And we used to have one of the best school systems with the best grading - so something has changed.

 

[Shimmer]

Knoxydoll - That would be nice though it's unlikely. :/

 

[redambition]

Quote:

Originally Posted by persephonewillo my son has to behave in public and at home, but even with the best laid out plans there is always the chance things aren't going to go well. we do our best to cope and not cause trouble for random strangers in the area. but sometimes it happens. the general rule is that when it starts happening and he isn't able to calm down (he does sometimes, he's learning coping methods and isn't as bad as he once was) we go home. end of story. HOWEVER, there are times when we CAN'T just drop everything. there have been times at the pharmacy when i'm picking up my meds and i CAN'T leave just right at that moment that he starts. instead of people offering to help ("hey, would you like to go ahead of me so you can get out of here faster?", etc), i get evil looks and hear nasty comments. never to my face, mind you... always in the passive aggressive manner of a snide remark to someone else within my earshot. you know, as if i don't KNOW my child is on the verge of a breakdown in the middle of a public space. as if i'm not already trying to calm him down so that we can get through the next 4 minutes without more trouble. the reactions from strangers are sometimes in worse behaviour than my son's. but they are accepted, even encouraged. why is that? and if i mention ADD/ADHD there is the stigma of using it as an "excuse". i can't keep him locked up in the house because there is the chance he might disturb a stranger with his behaviours. he can't learn to cope and calm down if he is hidden away from the world. where is the win in this situation?

if you are trying to calm your child and avoid a total meltdown then kudos to you

i only have an issue when the child is a real devil spawn (read spoiled, pampered brat) and the parent just refuses to do anything about the bad behaviour.

my cousin springs to mind. he is extremely bratty and snotty - and rather than try and do anything about it, his parents indulge his behaviour and let him do whatever he wants. a classic example: offer him some food he doesn't like (99% of all foods in existence, he's a very picky eater) and he will scream "YUK!" at you. he's old enough to have learnt how to say "no, thank you", but his parents let him scream yuk at any food he doesn't like, they just smile at it. result: he does it to everyone. my mother was a bit offended that he did it at the table when he came to visit. everything was proclaimed to be yuk (without being tried, i might add).

compare that to another cousin from different parents: if she ever said anything like that - instant rebuke. as a result she's never said anything like that when she is visiting someone and is offered food she doesn't want to eat. she's so polite and well mannered. she acts up as well, but she understands when no means no.

 

[gwaste]

You know what else helps kids behave?

Don't feed them candy, frappacinos, soda, chips, burgers, cookies, etc... just to make them shut up. It doesn't work and it just makes the kids even more obnoxious because they get used to having their every desire fed - also, it's AMAZING how different kids that are raised on a healthy diet and only given candy, etc... as a special treat. I guess it's sort of like a form of discipline without having to physically discipline your children.

Better yet, actually be involved with your child and make time to do things with them! No, this doesn't mean taking them with you to the grocery store or your girlfriends house to play with her kids while you chat it up - that's not connecting with your kids, it's more just bringing them around for your convenience (which there's absolutely nothing wrong with unless they're being unruly) - making it something that they're interested in and care about going to see, and if they misbehave that you're more than willing to leave right then - and go through with it when they do... I was pretty upset whenever this happened to me when I was little!